REALITY CHECK on myself - by Osho

I feel I don’t allow my heart to open. When I was very young I rejected my parents. I felt good about being a bad little boy. Now I feel that everything that I thought was love was nothing.

This is a good insight. To understand that whatsoever you have called love up to now was not love, is one of the most meaningful insights. When it happens much becomes possible.

People go on thinking that they love, and that becomes their greatest illusion — and the sooner they are disillusioned the better. Love is such a rare thing that it cannot be so easily available to all. It is not; it is as rare as buddhahood, not less than that.

This insight is good but it will make you sad, very morose, and give you a certain gloom. But don’t be worried, because out of a dark night the morning is born. When the night is darkest the morning is closest. You will be very very morose and sad because whatsoever you were thinking was love was not, and you have lived in dreams and have been missing reality. When this insight dawns on you, you become very sad, almost dead.

Don’t try to escape from this state. Relax into it, let yourself be drowned in this sadness, and soon you will come out of it completely new. I can see even in your voice, in your eyes, in your very body, that a tremendous sadness is settling, allow it. The human tendency is not to allow it, to escape from it — to go to a hotel, to a cinema, to friends to talk nonsense, to do something to be occupied so that you can escape from this state. But if you escape you again miss something that was going to happen. Relax into it.

Life as Dance - Osho

Start with meditation, and things will go on growing in you — silence, serenity, blissfulness, sensitivity. And whatever comes out of meditation, try to bring it out in life. Share it, because everything shared grows fast. And when you have reached the point of death, you will know there is no death. You can say goodbye, there is no need for any tears of sadness — maybe tears of joy, but not of sadness. But you have to begin from being innocent.

So first, throw out all crap that you are carrying. Everybody is carrying so much crap, and one wonders, for what? Just because people have been telling you that these are great ideas, principles.... You have not been intelligent with yourself. Be intelligent with yourself.

Life is very simple; it is a joyful dance. The whole earth can be full of joy and dance, but there are people who are seriously vested in their interest that nobody should enjoy life, that nobody should smile, that nobody should laugh, that life is a sin, that it is a punishment. How can you enjoy when the climate is such that you have been told continuously that it is a punishment? — that you are suffering because you have done wrong things and it is a kind of jail where you have been thrown to suffer?

I say to you life is not a jail, it is not a punishment. It is a reward, and it is given only to those who have earned it, who deserve it. Now it is your right to enjoy; it will be a sin if you don’t enjoy.

It will be against existence if you don’t beautify it, if you leave it just as you have found it. No, leave it a little happier, a little more beautiful, a little more fragrant.

4D

No smell tonight...hahaha not surprising with my present situation.

One more night to go then 3 rest days again....hahaha. Anyway will

see how things turn out then.

4D

Hahaha so much for nothing....better focus on getting rich at least I can buy some "fake" loving.
Sometimes....this is better than tearing my hair off over thing that I never able to control.

I must be strong from now on....to keep the depressing thoughts out and to just focus on the real things like getting rich. For the moment....4D, and this can be a good start for me to the road of self recovery.

HUAT AH....:)

One lesson I learned lately.

Well.....money and youth, these 2 things are most important in life. If you are not good-looking and old but still rich, there are many things you can do....look at Warren Buffet! When he came out to say something....the market reacts. Oh....people auctioned and paid "big big $$$$$$" once a year just to have lunch/dinner with him. The money goes to charity.

So...being rich is a hugely plus point in life. The other example is "One-eye dragon" the gangster awaiting being "hanged soon". With one eye....he is also no spring-chicken, he has beautiful wives and gfs.

So...having lots of money will bring in plenty of honey too ( whether or not.....with love or no love some girls are good at faking it anyway so who cares ).

The other thing is "Youth"...can easily see this, since when does an old man go for older girls? Go to GL....and can see this everywhere. It is the same for the other sex if someone younger or more macho appears, they drool hahaha.

So....it is important to have at least one of these 2 things to have an easier time in life but youth won't stay for long. After awhile....everyone will grow old, it is very fragile to depend of youth.
The only option left....is to have lots of money lor. Look at the sultans....in mid-east, the hardest task daily for them is to choose which girl they want to screw for the night. They have got a huge harem of girls to choose from. Even the big-time gangsters also have this "happy" problem.
But for me....a mere mortal has to end-up like a "LL" to smell my honey if she would be kind enough at that moment.

In life....cannot compare, some are even worst off than me. Guess they have to feed on those even worst off than themselves. Big eat small....small eat the smaller, the smaller will eat the tiny, the tiny will eat themselves....that is life story, don't be the tiny ones! They kena eaten left, right and centre hahaha.

Stock market

hahaha....didn't buy any new shares lately and have no regret about that too. The market direction is like 3 steps forward....2 step backwards or worst 1 step forward and 3 steps backwards.

Seen...like it is not going anywhere soon. So I am lucky to stay out of it at the moment. Too troublesome to monitor all the time too.

Movie vs real life story - A thing called Love is Blind!

No different....what happened in movie also happened in real life. The result is not funny at all for the victims in real life. In the movie...we laughed at the action and reaction but when this happened in real life, just remember someone will feel the heartaches, pain and anger - and the feeling is for REAL ( remember how you felt before? same goes to the rest of us too - those who actually knew and went thru all these with u ).

So it is best....to keep this up-coming Ch2, quiet and secret from those who is unawared ( no harm for those who is in the blur ) Now....since the "young hero" has re-appear in the scene, frankly I felt a great relief becoz there will be "no need" for all the denials and the grand charades.

Life will go back to sq one again!!! Me....back to my rightful place which is to the end of the "Q", hahaha don't worry about me I still have my "humour" about the whole story and the coming Ch 2.

PS-see comment for some gentle reminders fr the earlier ch.