self relfection

Lately with all the troubles and problems I am facing at work and also my personal life...somehow feel that I am being very sensitive about everything good or bad around me. And that...is making me very depressed! And also very short-tempered!

At work...I can be very scarily when I get "hot", long black face the whole night. Frankly this is not my nature but somehow I just can't help it not be pissed with what is happening. I am getting the "blame thingy" for things done by other teams but just becoz the bosses need a scrap-goat and somehow I was the "ONE". Just reminded me of what happened to me is my last workplace towards the end of the company too. That also made me....very resentful towards the top management. Guessed...something never change, human nature!!! When things get bad....it is somehow fashionable to see others die first before oneself, rightly or wrongly! For me...I believed strongly on fair play and doing the right thing, so I am the odd ball in the whole group becoz I don't play their games.

On personal level....with in a condo also present a different lifestyle. Yes! more things to do eg to swim, to go to gym or game room eg badminton, table tennis, tennis and others. So....when no one wants to go with me, I somehow felt empty...like unwanted! And that really makes me sad....and unhappy! My family.....
giving me the cold shoulder!!! While living in HDB flat...we will never have this issue becoz there is nothing to talk about in the first place....no game room!

Well....I must open up to people. I do noticed that there are some old men...who also are having this issue at my place. I was alone...but these old men will started to make friendly talks. The trouble is that I am the loner type....so unless I open up and be friendly or I will be getting more depressed as time pass by. I didn't realised this until today why these old guys are so friendly and chatty. Oh...they told me that they have retired from working. No wonder...they go to the Bt Timah hill on morning walks....and to 7th Miles hawker centre for kopi breaks. I was thinking that they are so free....yes, they are too free! At least...they keep themselves occupied with their activities. For me...if didn't go to AIA or work, I would be also shit free! Sometime....the wife and children want to do their own things esp wife as she is studying in poly....complaining or hinting she has not studied her lessons or do her class project. And that I am in her way!!! OK...now I will keep myself busy too....make friends with other people hor! Maybe can widen my opening too hehehe. Like what lobangs?