I was thinking about sex recently -- as one does -- not really my own sex, but sex in general. And I was thinking that I understand why it gets boring in long-term relationships.
It’s not that your partner gets boring, or the sex itself gets boring. I think it’s because the way you VIEW the sex in your relationship gets boring. And that has everything to do with how you were taught to view sex from the very beginning.
From childhood, most of us are taught that anything to do with sex is “naughty.” It’s exciting and titillating . It’s hot. It’s forbidden. When we see or hear anything sexy, we giggle or make a face. In our society, sex is hidden behind a curtain, in the dark or in plain brown wrapping. It’s fun and appealing precisely because we’re NOT supposed to be doing it!
Every first experience you’ve had with sex -- first kiss, first shag, first time with this or that person, first time in an elevator, first time on a plane, first time in the kosher meat section of the supermarket (ok, maybe not that time, but all the other times…) it was exciting, right? It was exciting because you really weren’t supposed to be doing it.
On the other hand, sex on the third Tuesday of the fifth month of the sixth year with your spouse is BORING. Because you’re thinking, I’m SUPPOSED to be doing this. It’s no fun if I’m SUPPOSED to be doing it. There’s no risk. No frisson of excitement.
But why should there be? Why should sex have to be a thrill ride to make it appealing?
I love the feel of a hot shower. I have always loved it. I cannot think of a time (except when I’ve been ruby red with sunburn) that I have not loved a hot shower. It is a great pleasure to me. It is an essential part of my life. It feels good, and it’s never boring. It’s a nice hot shower. That’s all I want it to be. That’s all it has to be. It’s a pleasure.
But not sex. It’s not a pleasure! It’s a little bit scary, and secret and “nasty.” And it’s no wonder people are disappointed night after night. Their outlook is all wrong!
A good old squelchy shag. A warm tumble with another naked body. Even if you don’t have multiple screaming mutual orgasms, it should at a minimum still be rather nice. And never boring.
How can something pleasurable be boring? Are massages boring? Is chocolate ice cream boring? Is scratching an itch boring? Is a huge, multi-toned belch boring? Of course not! Because we enjoy most pleasures simply for what they are.
If the sex you’re having (and this assumes you ARE having it now and then), isn’t a pleasure, before you examine your partner’s shortcomings (oops, sorry about the pun) examine the inside of your head. What are your expectations in the first place?
If you still have that notion of illicit, wanton, stolen couplings with cinema-quality lighting, either you are forcing yourself into an ever-escalating search for thrills, or a flatline of disappointment.
And another thing. Don’t turn sex into something else entirely. Make sure you’re not using sex as a bargaining chip. A debt owed. A conquest. Or a temporary cure for insecurity. How can that be any fun at all?
Before you work together with your partner to make your sex life more pleasurable, make certain that’s all you want it to be. A pleasure thing.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Wow....this is reassuring hahaha.
Older!
Yes, believe it or not, a new study found that men in their 50s were more satisfied with their sex lives than men in the thirties and forties. In fact, 50-year-olds were almost as satisfied as men in their twenties. Oooh - weeee, guys.
The Norwegian researchers found this satisfaction rating to be true even as older men began to have more physical troubles in the bedroom. Both married and single men were included in the study.
Could it be that men in their 30s and 40s are just more stressed from trying to build their careers while caring for young families? These are certainly the kinds of stress that can keep a person from enjoying all kinds of pleasures.
What's your experience been? Does the sex get better with age? Are you more satisfied with your sex life now than you were ten years ago?
My ( 2-cents worth ) view
Yes! I kind of agreed that now....sex is getting better for me. One thing for sure....I can control when to cum and when not to. So.....by this, the chance of getting my woman to have a cumming session is greater. I go for "quality fuck" rather than "chicken-little type of fucks".
Yes, believe it or not, a new study found that men in their 50s were more satisfied with their sex lives than men in the thirties and forties. In fact, 50-year-olds were almost as satisfied as men in their twenties. Oooh - weeee, guys.
The Norwegian researchers found this satisfaction rating to be true even as older men began to have more physical troubles in the bedroom. Both married and single men were included in the study.
Could it be that men in their 30s and 40s are just more stressed from trying to build their careers while caring for young families? These are certainly the kinds of stress that can keep a person from enjoying all kinds of pleasures.
What's your experience been? Does the sex get better with age? Are you more satisfied with your sex life now than you were ten years ago?
My ( 2-cents worth ) view
Yes! I kind of agreed that now....sex is getting better for me. One thing for sure....I can control when to cum and when not to. So.....by this, the chance of getting my woman to have a cumming session is greater. I go for "quality fuck" rather than "chicken-little type of fucks".
Sex during pregnancy
Unless your doctor says otherwise, sex during all three trimesters of pregnancy is not only fine, it's healthy! You may want to vary your activities from what you usually do; in fact, you'll probably have to because of your changing body.
Many couples worry about the effect of sex on their unborn child. But the good news is there is no adverse effect. The fetus is well-protected and unaffected by any pleasure the mom-to-be might be experiencing.
Some women feel more sexy during pregnancy, some less. Some men find their partners sexier during pregnancy, some don't. What will actually happen is that your sexual desire and "those sexy feelings" will ebb and flow over the course of the pregnancy.
You will probably want to experiment with positions (especially third trimester, when you're at your largest), vary the frequency, be flexible with activities, and most importantly of all, communicate well with your partner. Hormones will be fluctuating, all kinds of new feelings will arise, and your physical being will be changing dramatically.
Try your best to go with the flow, and don't forget your own satisfaction along the way. So have fun....
Many couples worry about the effect of sex on their unborn child. But the good news is there is no adverse effect. The fetus is well-protected and unaffected by any pleasure the mom-to-be might be experiencing.
Some women feel more sexy during pregnancy, some less. Some men find their partners sexier during pregnancy, some don't. What will actually happen is that your sexual desire and "those sexy feelings" will ebb and flow over the course of the pregnancy.
You will probably want to experiment with positions (especially third trimester, when you're at your largest), vary the frequency, be flexible with activities, and most importantly of all, communicate well with your partner. Hormones will be fluctuating, all kinds of new feelings will arise, and your physical being will be changing dramatically.
Try your best to go with the flow, and don't forget your own satisfaction along the way. So have fun....
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
The future for Gemini?
Your Wednesday Horoscope
Look for the next few weeks to deliver answers to intense and personal questions.
The satisfaction that comes from having a direction in life will make this a great day.
Ask yourself the big questions about the meaning of it all.
Okay....only time can tell the answer that I seek.
POWER!
Look for the next few weeks to deliver answers to intense and personal questions.
The satisfaction that comes from having a direction in life will make this a great day.
Ask yourself the big questions about the meaning of it all.
Okay....only time can tell the answer that I seek.
POWER!
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Live till 120 years old...the power of modern medicine
OXFORD (Reuters) - Modern medicine is redefining old age and may soon allow people to live regularly beyond the current upper limit of 120 years, experts said onWednesday.
It used to be thought there was some in built limit on lifespan, but a group of scientists meeting at Oxford University for a conference on life extension and enhancement dismissed that idea. Paul Hodge, director of the Harvard Generations PolicyProgram, said governments around the world -struggling with pension crises, graying workforces andrising healthcare costs - had to face up to the challenge now.
"Life expectancy is going to grow significantly, and current policies are going to be proven totally inadequate," he predicted. Just how far and fast life expectancy will increase is open to debate, but the direction and the accelerating trend is clear.
Richard Miller of the Michigan University Medical School said tests on mice and rats - genetically very similar to humans - showed lifespan could be extended by 40 percent, simply by limiting calorie consumption. Translated into humans, that would mean average life expectancy in rich countries rising from near 80 to 112 years, with many individuals living a lot longer.
Aubrey de Grey, a biomedical gerontologist from Cambridge University, goes much further. He believes the first person to live to 1,000 has already been born and told the meeting that periodic repairs to the body using stem cells, gene therapy and other techniques could eventually stop the aging process entirely. De Grey argues that if each repair lasts 30 or 40 years, science will advance enough by the next "service" date that death can be put off indefinitely- a process he calls strategies for engineered negligible senescence. His maverick ideas are dismissed by others in the field, such as Tom Kirkwood, director of Newcastle University's Center of Aging and Nutrition, as little more than a thought experiment.
Kirkwood said the human aging process was intrinsically malleable - meaning life expectancy was not set in stone - but researchers had only scratched the surface in understanding how it worked.
CALL FOR FUNDING
The real goal is not simply longer life but longer healthy life, something that is starting to happen as today's over-70s lead far more active lives than previous generations. Jay Olshansky of the University of Illinois in Chicago is confident that longevity and health will go hand in hand and that delaying aging will translate into later onset for diseases like cancer, Alzheimer's and heart disease. But to get to the bottom of understanding the biology of aging will require a major step-up in investment.
Olshansky and his colleagues have called on the U.S. government to inject $3 billion a year into the field, arguing the benefits of achieving an average seven-year delay in the process of biological aging would far exceed the gains from eliminating cancer.
Ethically, the extension of life is controversial, with some philosophers arguing it goes against fundamental human nature. But John Harris, Professor of Bioethics at the University of Manchester, said any society that applauded the saving of life had a duty to embrace regenerative medicine. "Life saving is just death postponing with a positive spin," he said. "If it is right and good to postpone death for a short time, it is hard to see now it would be less right and less good to postpone it for a longwhile."
It used to be thought there was some in built limit on lifespan, but a group of scientists meeting at Oxford University for a conference on life extension and enhancement dismissed that idea. Paul Hodge, director of the Harvard Generations PolicyProgram, said governments around the world -struggling with pension crises, graying workforces andrising healthcare costs - had to face up to the challenge now.
"Life expectancy is going to grow significantly, and current policies are going to be proven totally inadequate," he predicted. Just how far and fast life expectancy will increase is open to debate, but the direction and the accelerating trend is clear.
Richard Miller of the Michigan University Medical School said tests on mice and rats - genetically very similar to humans - showed lifespan could be extended by 40 percent, simply by limiting calorie consumption. Translated into humans, that would mean average life expectancy in rich countries rising from near 80 to 112 years, with many individuals living a lot longer.
Aubrey de Grey, a biomedical gerontologist from Cambridge University, goes much further. He believes the first person to live to 1,000 has already been born and told the meeting that periodic repairs to the body using stem cells, gene therapy and other techniques could eventually stop the aging process entirely. De Grey argues that if each repair lasts 30 or 40 years, science will advance enough by the next "service" date that death can be put off indefinitely- a process he calls strategies for engineered negligible senescence. His maverick ideas are dismissed by others in the field, such as Tom Kirkwood, director of Newcastle University's Center of Aging and Nutrition, as little more than a thought experiment.
Kirkwood said the human aging process was intrinsically malleable - meaning life expectancy was not set in stone - but researchers had only scratched the surface in understanding how it worked.
CALL FOR FUNDING
The real goal is not simply longer life but longer healthy life, something that is starting to happen as today's over-70s lead far more active lives than previous generations. Jay Olshansky of the University of Illinois in Chicago is confident that longevity and health will go hand in hand and that delaying aging will translate into later onset for diseases like cancer, Alzheimer's and heart disease. But to get to the bottom of understanding the biology of aging will require a major step-up in investment.
Olshansky and his colleagues have called on the U.S. government to inject $3 billion a year into the field, arguing the benefits of achieving an average seven-year delay in the process of biological aging would far exceed the gains from eliminating cancer.
Ethically, the extension of life is controversial, with some philosophers arguing it goes against fundamental human nature. But John Harris, Professor of Bioethics at the University of Manchester, said any society that applauded the saving of life had a duty to embrace regenerative medicine. "Life saving is just death postponing with a positive spin," he said. "If it is right and good to postpone death for a short time, it is hard to see now it would be less right and less good to postpone it for a longwhile."
Problem of being a "Step" parents
WICKED stepmothers, lecherous stepfathers and selfish stepsiblings. From fairy tales to movies and real-life criminal cases, step families are often associated with turmoil and pain.
This perception was reinforced when toddler Nonoi was found dead and her stepfather was charged with her murder. But, as we all know, not all stepfathers are like that. There are many loving step-parents who care for their stepchildren as if they were their own. But because of the complex nature of stepfamilies, some need help in making their home happy.
With the number of remarriages in Singapore shooting up, the Asian Women's Welfare Association (Awwa)designed a programme four years ago to counsel stepfamilies. According to figures obtained from the Singapore Department of Statistics, remarriages between 1983 and2003 for men have more than doubled and almost quadrupled for women.
In its booklet for stepfamilies published last August, Awwa said the challenges they face are many, especially in disciplining the spouse's children from a previous marriage, money matters and agreeing on what a marriage should be.
As it's still something of a taboo topic, stepfamilies we spoke to did not want their reals names used. Madam Rita, 42, got along well with her stepchildren, aged 11 and 7, at first. But they became rebellious when she married their father. The kids live with them. Said Madam Rita, who works in data entry: "I don'twant the myth of what a stepmother is to come true -abusive and wicked.
"DAD DISCIPLINES And so she leaves it to her husband, a security guard, to discipline them. The couple also have an 18-month-old girl. Madam Rita said one issue that is always a source of quarrels with her husband is the disciplining of his children. She wants them to study hard. But she said her husband takes a more relaxed approach and does not force them to study. She spends time giving them tuition in English and maths, and hopes this will help improve their relationship.
The two children are still close to their biological mother, who, Madam Rita said, bad-mouths her.
"They think mum is always right," she said. "It's painful because I try so hard to be a good stepmother.
"She said the family is now seeking help from the As-Salaam PPIS Family Support Centre, which runs are marriages and stepfamilies programme targeting Malay-Muslims.
Since the programme was introduced, 100 couples have gone for it. Madam Anna, 26, earns $500 a month and married her current husband more than a year ago. This is her second marriage and she has known him for seven years. Madam Anna said she divorced her first husband three years ago after having four children with him - two boys and two girls, aged 5 to 10. Her current husband, Adam, 29, works with her. He too earns $500 a month and does odd jobs for extra cash. He said Madam Anna's ex-husband initially had custodyof their 7-year-old daughter, Rosnah, and had wantedto leave her in a children's home. But after discussing the matter with his wife, Mr Adam decided to take the girl in. Madam Anna was eventually given custody of Rosnah. She said her husband gets along with his stepkids. "There haven't been many problems (adjusting to him). He treats them like his own children. But more importantly, they see the difference between their stepfather and their real father. "She claims her ex-husband was violent and used to hit their children. But it isn't all rosy at home now. Madam Anna said Rosnah has disciplinary problems, often refusing to listen to their instructions. Said Madam Anna: "She has the most problems adjusting. She will listen to him (Adam) one moment, then go back to her naughty ways the next.
"Mr Adam added that being a stepfather is not easy at first. He said: "When I got married, it took me some time to adjust to everything. For the first six months, it did strike me that I'm not their real father and that did bother me a bit. "But he said it became easier over time. Also he knew his wife and her children earlier, and he had the opportunity to get close to the kids. He said his four stepchildren have accepted him as his father.He said: "It is hard. But my stepchildren are like my children now."
This perception was reinforced when toddler Nonoi was found dead and her stepfather was charged with her murder. But, as we all know, not all stepfathers are like that. There are many loving step-parents who care for their stepchildren as if they were their own. But because of the complex nature of stepfamilies, some need help in making their home happy.
With the number of remarriages in Singapore shooting up, the Asian Women's Welfare Association (Awwa)designed a programme four years ago to counsel stepfamilies. According to figures obtained from the Singapore Department of Statistics, remarriages between 1983 and2003 for men have more than doubled and almost quadrupled for women.
In its booklet for stepfamilies published last August, Awwa said the challenges they face are many, especially in disciplining the spouse's children from a previous marriage, money matters and agreeing on what a marriage should be.
As it's still something of a taboo topic, stepfamilies we spoke to did not want their reals names used. Madam Rita, 42, got along well with her stepchildren, aged 11 and 7, at first. But they became rebellious when she married their father. The kids live with them. Said Madam Rita, who works in data entry: "I don'twant the myth of what a stepmother is to come true -abusive and wicked.
"DAD DISCIPLINES And so she leaves it to her husband, a security guard, to discipline them. The couple also have an 18-month-old girl. Madam Rita said one issue that is always a source of quarrels with her husband is the disciplining of his children. She wants them to study hard. But she said her husband takes a more relaxed approach and does not force them to study. She spends time giving them tuition in English and maths, and hopes this will help improve their relationship.
The two children are still close to their biological mother, who, Madam Rita said, bad-mouths her.
"They think mum is always right," she said. "It's painful because I try so hard to be a good stepmother.
"She said the family is now seeking help from the As-Salaam PPIS Family Support Centre, which runs are marriages and stepfamilies programme targeting Malay-Muslims.
Since the programme was introduced, 100 couples have gone for it. Madam Anna, 26, earns $500 a month and married her current husband more than a year ago. This is her second marriage and she has known him for seven years. Madam Anna said she divorced her first husband three years ago after having four children with him - two boys and two girls, aged 5 to 10. Her current husband, Adam, 29, works with her. He too earns $500 a month and does odd jobs for extra cash. He said Madam Anna's ex-husband initially had custodyof their 7-year-old daughter, Rosnah, and had wantedto leave her in a children's home. But after discussing the matter with his wife, Mr Adam decided to take the girl in. Madam Anna was eventually given custody of Rosnah. She said her husband gets along with his stepkids. "There haven't been many problems (adjusting to him). He treats them like his own children. But more importantly, they see the difference between their stepfather and their real father. "She claims her ex-husband was violent and used to hit their children. But it isn't all rosy at home now. Madam Anna said Rosnah has disciplinary problems, often refusing to listen to their instructions. Said Madam Anna: "She has the most problems adjusting. She will listen to him (Adam) one moment, then go back to her naughty ways the next.
"Mr Adam added that being a stepfather is not easy at first. He said: "When I got married, it took me some time to adjust to everything. For the first six months, it did strike me that I'm not their real father and that did bother me a bit. "But he said it became easier over time. Also he knew his wife and her children earlier, and he had the opportunity to get close to the kids. He said his four stepchildren have accepted him as his father.He said: "It is hard. But my stepchildren are like my children now."
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Time for the healing to start....let's move on.
Guess....all these anger and bitterness are also taking their's toll on everyone's life. Dream, hope and faith were shattered by all these crazy thoughtless actions and deeds. We are paying the price for our actions now but we must wake up to the facts that there are also innocent ones with us....and they should not be accountable for all these.
Well.....it was a mistake and people do make mistakes. It is just silly of us to put all our future and efforts into pointing out who has done this and that mistake.
So....after all the angry words said and written, for all the stones thrown....let's agreed to let all these put to rest so that we can move on with our lifes and dreams.
There are still so many things and challenages that we are going to face in the future, so there is no time to lose and to let these "go".
True! "Love" is a very powerful tool just like a sword....it can cut both ways ( for it can heal and it can also destory ). But it is all in our heart....to choose whichever way we want but let me urged all of us to choose the "right way" not just for ourselves but also for our own "redemptions" to all the suffering and pains that we caused to others.
Karma has it that we are what we are....the people closest and dearest to us....the believe we had in ourselves and others....our future, the children and their children.
Until we can fully understand the actions of others....let us understand our own actions so that we can learned and do better the next time. Things failed because we let them failed....with our actions and our selfish thoughts. Now that we know our weakest....our faults, we must ensure we don't do the same mistake that impacted other's life and causing troubles that should be prevented in the first place.
So.....Dear lord, now.....please let's the healing begin. Peace be with all of us now and in the future....Amen!
Well.....it was a mistake and people do make mistakes. It is just silly of us to put all our future and efforts into pointing out who has done this and that mistake.
So....after all the angry words said and written, for all the stones thrown....let's agreed to let all these put to rest so that we can move on with our lifes and dreams.
There are still so many things and challenages that we are going to face in the future, so there is no time to lose and to let these "go".
True! "Love" is a very powerful tool just like a sword....it can cut both ways ( for it can heal and it can also destory ). But it is all in our heart....to choose whichever way we want but let me urged all of us to choose the "right way" not just for ourselves but also for our own "redemptions" to all the suffering and pains that we caused to others.
Karma has it that we are what we are....the people closest and dearest to us....the believe we had in ourselves and others....our future, the children and their children.
Until we can fully understand the actions of others....let us understand our own actions so that we can learned and do better the next time. Things failed because we let them failed....with our actions and our selfish thoughts. Now that we know our weakest....our faults, we must ensure we don't do the same mistake that impacted other's life and causing troubles that should be prevented in the first place.
So.....Dear lord, now.....please let's the healing begin. Peace be with all of us now and in the future....Amen!
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