okay....you have made your points and i have made mine. Yes! i do blame myself for getting into this shitty situation but i did it with my eyes wide open. Guess the word "LOVE" is the main issue.....and only those who have loved others before, then can understand what i am saying, writting and what i have just gone thru.
For the rest....who never have been in this situation can hardly know what it was like. Frankly sex is over-rated as far as "LOVE" is concern. And becoz of that, one always hope for a new beginning even after a thunder storm or heavy snow fall. Old things can be replace or reborn as new things.
Yeah....I am going thru this period now, i have gone from anger, denial, acceptence and now a new start. With these clarifiations, i do feel at ease and at the same time, stupid and regret with
what i was thinking all along these 3 weeks. And the needless anger and heavy-hearted feeling I bring to bear on myself when I can easily come out to talk about the issue earlier rather then yesterday. Guess....when "LOVE" is involved and when you are can't bear to lose a loved one, you just suppress any bad or negative feeling inside till it blows up in your face one day. This is what happen here.
I really felt so "bad"....i just don't quite able to put into words for this "tough" period. Yes...now you are angry but if you are understanding enough then you can let this "go", I too promised to be up front with you from now on....no more hinting or guessing, just come out to talk about any issue that may be of concern to you or me.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Got stood up again....shit :(
Fxxked again....by the same excuse. 3rd week in a row....that's truly pathetic. Yes....and you said you cannot please everybody then how am I to feel. Yes....I can feel the sudden tension when your friends boarded my car in the morning. All of a sudden....stillness, so deafening silent until the phone rang.
When you told me....no problem when I asked you, I was so happy. Really believed things were ok and smooth then as I waited for your sms....in my heart, it would be again a huge letdown that was why I sms you instead of waiting further. True enough....fxxked by the same crab. Frankly....I dared not look at the sms immediately, I went into my room to wash up my face hoping the bad feeling from the morning was due to me being too over-sensitive. Shit :( when
I finally saw the sms....my jaw dropped. A thousand crazy thoughts rushed thru my mind......
just can't believe what I saw.
Yeah....talk about trying to please people. Guess I have done a really bad job to deserve all these or worst....I am too pathetic to accept the facts in front of me from the beginning. Even in this blog....even when I truly tried my best to please you. You only once address me....as "d" in your email when we made love a month back then....the small "d" also gone and lately hardly noticed
any comment even from "anonymous". Yeah....maybe I was over-sensitive or petty but I still persisted to do my best to please. Frankly, still....I want my tuition but at the same time I promised that I will try my best to wane off my "addiction" of you. This is to help lessen any more stress on me ( sorry that I am so selfish here ), I only hope you are kind enough to grant me this favor and I....will only need very little of your time each week. And I won't dare to hope for anything more now since very clearly....I have drop too far down the pecking order for your favor or time. From your blog....I really knew I had more competitions but still I guess if I don't ask for much and I tried to please you whatever way I can, you may still go along to entertain me. Now....I know I am kidding myself.
Yes....I still don't want to lose you, that is why....I have this self-control on.
When you told me....no problem when I asked you, I was so happy. Really believed things were ok and smooth then as I waited for your sms....in my heart, it would be again a huge letdown that was why I sms you instead of waiting further. True enough....fxxked by the same crab. Frankly....I dared not look at the sms immediately, I went into my room to wash up my face hoping the bad feeling from the morning was due to me being too over-sensitive. Shit :( when
I finally saw the sms....my jaw dropped. A thousand crazy thoughts rushed thru my mind......
just can't believe what I saw.
Yeah....talk about trying to please people. Guess I have done a really bad job to deserve all these or worst....I am too pathetic to accept the facts in front of me from the beginning. Even in this blog....even when I truly tried my best to please you. You only once address me....as "d" in your email when we made love a month back then....the small "d" also gone and lately hardly noticed
any comment even from "anonymous". Yeah....maybe I was over-sensitive or petty but I still persisted to do my best to please. Frankly, still....I want my tuition but at the same time I promised that I will try my best to wane off my "addiction" of you. This is to help lessen any more stress on me ( sorry that I am so selfish here ), I only hope you are kind enough to grant me this favor and I....will only need very little of your time each week. And I won't dare to hope for anything more now since very clearly....I have drop too far down the pecking order for your favor or time. From your blog....I really knew I had more competitions but still I guess if I don't ask for much and I tried to please you whatever way I can, you may still go along to entertain me. Now....I know I am kidding myself.
Yes....I still don't want to lose you, that is why....I have this self-control on.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Still on the subject of sex
Personally feel that to truly enjoy great sex....one must have the sense of loving between the 2 doing it. Only with love....then there can be emotional attachment or bonding making sex the link.
If without the above ....then having sex will be for releases only. There won't be any sufficient impact for the two person.
There must be orgasm....better still multi orgasms, or one huge one.....the mother of all orgasm so to speak.
This type of sex is very addictive.....that is why I am so addicted to my honey. She alone can fuck me to death....and frankly I don't mind if that happen. The way we make love is so different but lately....we are just going thru the motive. We must go back to the good old days where anything and everything goes. When we were done ....our legs were soft and would sleep well.....in fact like "coma". That is great sex to me....not the number of times one can screw in a day or how long can one last. Just must perfect timing....or too long or too short.
Yes....one must be creative too or it will be the same boring sex. And if need to use sex aids...then by all means, use them. I have checked all the stuffs and I have got a new one too. I will going to start a brand new journey with my honey soon....hi honey, are you game to go with me on this trip?
It will be a surprise and you must close your eyes.....and have complete trust in me. I will bring you to the next level.
If without the above ....then having sex will be for releases only. There won't be any sufficient impact for the two person.
There must be orgasm....better still multi orgasms, or one huge one.....the mother of all orgasm so to speak.
This type of sex is very addictive.....that is why I am so addicted to my honey. She alone can fuck me to death....and frankly I don't mind if that happen. The way we make love is so different but lately....we are just going thru the motive. We must go back to the good old days where anything and everything goes. When we were done ....our legs were soft and would sleep well.....in fact like "coma". That is great sex to me....not the number of times one can screw in a day or how long can one last. Just must perfect timing....or too long or too short.
Yes....one must be creative too or it will be the same boring sex. And if need to use sex aids...then by all means, use them. I have checked all the stuffs and I have got a new one too. I will going to start a brand new journey with my honey soon....hi honey, are you game to go with me on this trip?
It will be a surprise and you must close your eyes.....and have complete trust in me. I will bring you to the next level.
Friday, October 14, 2005
The sex sense
It was from a recent study by researchers from US and Britain done on 16000 men and women surveyed. Titled as Money, Sex and Happiness.
The finding is....that regular sex makes people happier than having more money and it associated happiness with frequent sex. They also did not believe that increased wealth had much connection with long-term happiness.
Sex is one of a relatively few bodily experiences that can actually create a natural high. Sexual arousal releases neurochemicals such as dopamine and endorphins from the brain which stimulate feelings of pleasure and contentment. Other studies also list many benefits of regular safe sex like : lower mortality rates, reduced risk of prostate cancer, heart disease, improved digestion and memory, better posture and less frequent bouts of flu, among other things.
Emotionally....these studies speculate that sex can also boost self-esteem, induce a positive outlook on life and ease depression.
It was also found that it was not the act of sex itself but the sexual intimacy is the key to the whole issue at hand. And sustaining such intimacy is a much trickier business than inducing sexual passion. During orgasm the body releases greater amounts of a neurochemical called oxytocin which is sometimes nicknamed as the "love hormone" because it is an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety hormone. It creates feelings of calm and a sense of connection so it actually shapes how you view the world.
The finding is....that regular sex makes people happier than having more money and it associated happiness with frequent sex. They also did not believe that increased wealth had much connection with long-term happiness.
Sex is one of a relatively few bodily experiences that can actually create a natural high. Sexual arousal releases neurochemicals such as dopamine and endorphins from the brain which stimulate feelings of pleasure and contentment. Other studies also list many benefits of regular safe sex like : lower mortality rates, reduced risk of prostate cancer, heart disease, improved digestion and memory, better posture and less frequent bouts of flu, among other things.
Emotionally....these studies speculate that sex can also boost self-esteem, induce a positive outlook on life and ease depression.
It was also found that it was not the act of sex itself but the sexual intimacy is the key to the whole issue at hand. And sustaining such intimacy is a much trickier business than inducing sexual passion. During orgasm the body releases greater amounts of a neurochemical called oxytocin which is sometimes nicknamed as the "love hormone" because it is an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety hormone. It creates feelings of calm and a sense of connection so it actually shapes how you view the world.
Crazy Thursday
First....done all my duties in the morning eg sending the youngest kid to school, then sending wife to MRT station....then went home to cook breakfast for the old man and also prepared a packet food for the eldest kid to bring to work. At 8:50am sent her to work and at the same time went to fetch the youngest one back from school on my way back.
Prepared breakfast for the youngest one and stand-by lunch for her and the old man. Read some newspapers before going to sleep....got to rest for work, but somehow sleep was a hard thing when the mind ran out of control. Just staring up at the ceiling, also my bro in the same direction....thinking of my honey. Then the crazy ideas of sending sms with pic to her...shit!! at the same time I worried that I "pissed" her off and she would be angry with me. One part of me was trying to be cheeky and notti....while another was trying to prevent WW3. Still the cheeky side won....hence the sms with pic.
Walau...when I rec'd my honey's replies, kind of worry becoz she really seem to be in strict mood. Just like a teacher....short sharp answer. Cheekiness gone...hehehe, so I struggled to get some sleep....and this went on till 5:20pm. Time to wake up to cook again and to get ready for work. Sighed.
At work.....shit, a nightmare again.... the day team left a lot of things for me to follow-up and the boss came and added more pressure saying that she expected me to close everything at midnight as usual. Work.....and push like a mule but very focus ....but behind my mind I was still thinking of what it would like if my honey can meet me.....got 3 days off but at the end, sighed not free. A huge letdown becoz at the start of the week....things were so wonderful....the tuitioning was a feasible plan according to her and I am counting my chickens.....and eggs.
Yes...I read her blog but end-up more confused...left wondering was that meant for me or for someone else. Read and read....but still not fully comprehend it. POWER!!! look like a 3 in 1, anyway....things clear up when I rec'd her sms asking about my work. So happy....I walk with a spring under my feet. See....the power of a loved one. I even closed the whole day's commit and things turn 'rosy" for me again. Like I said...you are even stronger than ganja to me hehehe.
Yes....I look at your emails about the same time last year, you were also very busy and we didn't have time to meet for 3 whole weeks....but I hope this year you just keep it to 2 weeks. It is already a hell of a time for me....I underwent "cold turkey" treatment for 2 weeks so please honey....must try harder to meet next week. Time is for us....to manage.
Hope my honey....won't fault me for blogging this. Felt better to blog this down....
Prepared breakfast for the youngest one and stand-by lunch for her and the old man. Read some newspapers before going to sleep....got to rest for work, but somehow sleep was a hard thing when the mind ran out of control. Just staring up at the ceiling, also my bro in the same direction....thinking of my honey. Then the crazy ideas of sending sms with pic to her...shit!! at the same time I worried that I "pissed" her off and she would be angry with me. One part of me was trying to be cheeky and notti....while another was trying to prevent WW3. Still the cheeky side won....hence the sms with pic.
Walau...when I rec'd my honey's replies, kind of worry becoz she really seem to be in strict mood. Just like a teacher....short sharp answer. Cheekiness gone...hehehe, so I struggled to get some sleep....and this went on till 5:20pm. Time to wake up to cook again and to get ready for work. Sighed.
At work.....shit, a nightmare again.... the day team left a lot of things for me to follow-up and the boss came and added more pressure saying that she expected me to close everything at midnight as usual. Work.....and push like a mule but very focus ....but behind my mind I was still thinking of what it would like if my honey can meet me.....got 3 days off but at the end, sighed not free. A huge letdown becoz at the start of the week....things were so wonderful....the tuitioning was a feasible plan according to her and I am counting my chickens.....and eggs.
Yes...I read her blog but end-up more confused...left wondering was that meant for me or for someone else. Read and read....but still not fully comprehend it. POWER!!! look like a 3 in 1, anyway....things clear up when I rec'd her sms asking about my work. So happy....I walk with a spring under my feet. See....the power of a loved one. I even closed the whole day's commit and things turn 'rosy" for me again. Like I said...you are even stronger than ganja to me hehehe.
Yes....I look at your emails about the same time last year, you were also very busy and we didn't have time to meet for 3 whole weeks....but I hope this year you just keep it to 2 weeks. It is already a hell of a time for me....I underwent "cold turkey" treatment for 2 weeks so please honey....must try harder to meet next week. Time is for us....to manage.
Hope my honey....won't fault me for blogging this. Felt better to blog this down....
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Thought for the day....Wednesday
Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait'
just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
My Love.......about me loving you.
Ask my eyes to stop looking at you...
Ask my brain to stop thinking of you...
Ask my imagination to stop dreaming of you...
Ask my heart to stop beating....ask anything but
don't you ever stop me from loving you.
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