Got stood up again....shit :(

Fxxked again....by the same excuse. 3rd week in a row....that's truly pathetic. Yes....and you said you cannot please everybody then how am I to feel. Yes....I can feel the sudden tension when your friends boarded my car in the morning. All of a sudden....stillness, so deafening silent until the phone rang.
When you told me....no problem when I asked you, I was so happy. Really believed things were ok and smooth then as I waited for your sms....in my heart, it would be again a huge letdown that was why I sms you instead of waiting further. True enough....fxxked by the same crab. Frankly....I dared not look at the sms immediately, I went into my room to wash up my face hoping the bad feeling from the morning was due to me being too over-sensitive. Shit :( when
I finally saw the sms....my jaw dropped. A thousand crazy thoughts rushed thru my mind......
just can't believe what I saw.
Yeah....talk about trying to please people. Guess I have done a really bad job to deserve all these or worst....I am too pathetic to accept the facts in front of me from the beginning. Even in this blog....even when I truly tried my best to please you. You only once address me....as "d" in your email when we made love a month back then....the small "d" also gone and lately hardly noticed
any comment even from "anonymous". Yeah....maybe I was over-sensitive or petty but I still persisted to do my best to please. Frankly, still....I want my tuition but at the same time I promised that I will try my best to wane off my "addiction" of you. This is to help lessen any more stress on me ( sorry that I am so selfish here ), I only hope you are kind enough to grant me this favor and I....will only need very little of your time each week. And I won't dare to hope for anything more now since very clearly....I have drop too far down the pecking order for your favor or time. From your blog....I really knew I had more competitions but still I guess if I don't ask for much and I tried to please you whatever way I can, you may still go along to entertain me. Now....I know I am kidding myself.
Yes....I still don't want to lose you, that is why....I have this self-control on.