Sex Tools: Uncommon Sense - find this funny too

1:Sex Tools: Uncommon Sense


THREE BIG MYTHS AND
MISCONCEPTIONS

Myth #1: Sex products are artificial. Sex should be natural, and using sex products makes it fake.
Truth: Sex products are natural. People have been using sex toys and erotica for tens of thousands of years, if not longer. Even animals use sex toys! Chimps and gorillas, just for one example, have been observed breaking branches and using them for masturbation.

More important truth: We do lots of wonderful things that aren't "natural." We go to the cinema, ride bicycles, wear clothing, cook gourmet meals... the list goes on forever. Eating is one of the most basic natural impulses -- and yet we've added thousands of splendid enhancements to it, without worrying about being "unnatural."

Sex is a natural impulse, of course -- but it's also social and cultural, something we learn, with practices that vary enormously around the world and throughout history. We humans are apes with big, efficient brains, and using those brains to gain skills and use tools is as natural to us as spinning webs is to spiders.

Practical lesson: If you start worrying about whether sex toys are "natural" or not, ask yourself how often you worry about the "unnatural" act of marinating a steak or going to a good restaurant. And then relax.




Myth #2: Sex products reduce spontaneity. Sex should flow freely and impulsively from whatever's happening in the moment, and using sex products interrupts that immediacy.

Truth: Using sex products can be very spontaneous. It doesn't have to interfere with the moment -- with a little practice, you'll find that using sex toys is as spontaneous as fucking and sucking. (This is an important myth and a very common one, and we'll talk a lot more about it later in the workshop -- with some very specific strategies on how you can make sex toys part of your spontaneous sexual flow.)
More important truth: The spontaneity of sex is both over-stated and over-rated. We do things to prepare for sex all the time. Just a few examples:

* We shower and shave
* We pick out clothes that make us attractive
* We put clean sheets on the bed for a hot date
* We use birth control


And we stop in the middle of sex for all kinds of things:

* We put on condoms or diaphragms
* We shift positions
* We take trips to the bathroom
* We stop to get that sudden muscle cramp out of our leg

Myth #3: If you "need" to use sex toys, you're not a good enough lover by yourself.

Truth: Using sex toys means you're a better lover, not a worse one. It means you're creative, confident, flexible, playful, open to new ideas... and that you care about your partner's pleasure as much as your own.
More important truth: There is no more important truth. Not when it comes to this myth. I can't emphasize it enough: If you use them right, sex toys and other sex products can help make you the hottest ticket in town. And it can open erotic doors you didn't know existed, both for your partner and for yourself.

Practical lesson: Think of sex toys, not as substitutes for sex techniques or body parts, but as tools. You wouldn't think of yourself as a bad carpenter for "needing" a hammer -- just the opposite. You'd think of yourself as a better carpenter for knowing which hammer to use and how to use it. Try thinking of sex toys the same way.

Which brings us, conveniently enough, to the next section of this module!
1:Sex Tools: Uncommon Sense

TOYS AND
TOOLS

You may still be feeling a little uncomfortable about sex toys. You might be fine with sex toys in theory, but feel weird about actually using them in your own sex life. Or you might be totally fine with using sex toys for masturbation, but still feel uncertain about using them with your partner.
So here's a way that can help you feel more comfortable with sex toys. For the rest of this section, let's not call them sex toys. Let's call them sex tools.

I'll bet you don't think you're unnatural or incompetent for using tools. Reaching for a tool -- whether it's a hammer or a kitchen knife, a lawn mower or a calculator -- feels like the most natural, comfortable thing in the world.

You wanna know a secret? Once you have some familiarity and experience with them, sex tools feel exactly the same way.

Now, some people think that sex is different, that it's a natural act that shouldn't need tools. But think about eating, or finding and making shelter. These are two of the most natural acts in the world -- and you use tools for them all the time, to make our food and our homes safer and more enjoyable.

So let's talk about a few specific sex toys -- excuse me, sex tools -- and how treating them as tools can help make you more comfortable using them...
and make you a better lover.

VIBRATORS

The Myth: A lot of men think that if their partner "has to" use a vibrator to have an orgasm, it means they aren't a good enough lover. They think they should be able to make their partner come with just their dick and their mouth and their hands. And a lot of women think there's something wrong with them if they can't get off just with fucking and sucking.
The Truth: The reality is that a lot of women have a hard time getting off, and most women don't get off through fucking alone. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you or your partner -- it's just an accident of how female anatomy evolved.

Practical lesson: Think of a vibrator as a tool, a tool you're using to help get your partner (or yourself) off. It's kind of like using a blender for margaritas -- yes, you could pound the ice by hand all night, but isn't it faster and more fun to let the blender do it, so you can pay attention to the party? Using a vibrator doesn't make you inadequate -- just the opposite. It makes you more than adequate. It makes you a good lover, someone who knows what tools to use for the job, and who knows how to use them right.


LUBE

The Myth: This one is huge. Lots of men think that if their partner isn't wet, it means she isn't turned on. And they blame themselves -- they think it's because their foreplay isn't working, or she's distracted, or isn't really attracted to them. It's not just men -- lots of women think if they're not wet, there's something wrong with them -- that they're not really into it, even if they thought they were. So both men and women can see "needing" to use lube as a sexual failure.
The Truth: There are loads of reasons why a woman might not get wet -- reasons that have nothing to do with whether she's turned on.

* Certain common medicines that make your membranes dry -- including the membranes in your fanny. (Decongestants are one of the biggest culprits.)
* Recreational drugs, which can have the same effect -especially smoking weed.
* Medical conditions.
* Aging.
* Where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.
* Just plain old everyday stress.

All of these can keep a woman from getting wet -- even if she's otherwise completely turned on and into it.

Practical lesson: Think of lube as a tool: a tool you're using to help you and your partner enjoy sex. It's like using cooking oil in your frying pan, or motor oil in your car -- it just keeps everything moving along smoothly. Using it doesn't make you or your foreplay techniques a failure. It makes you a success, someone who can successfully use the right tool to make fucking more comfortable and pleasurable for both of you. (And it's absolutely essential if you're going to explore anal sex.)
DILDOS

The Myth: If you're a guy, dildos may make you more uncomfortable than any other sex tool around. A lot of guys take dildos as a personal threat to their masculinity, an insult to their virility and capability. To put it bluntly, a lot of guys think that if they "need" to use dildos with their partner, it means they can't get it up -- or keep it up long enough.
The Truth: The reality is that dildos don't have to be a substitute for a hard dick. They can simply be an addition to it. You know how we talked about how many women have a hard time getting off, and take longer than men? The wonderful flip side is that women can often come for much longer than men, and can do it more often.

So a woman may want to keep on going long after their partner is done. And this makes a dildo a good tool -- as good as a vibrator. For women who need more time, either to reach their first orgasm or to finish their last one, a dildo can be an extremely useful supplement to regular fucking.

The other reality is that dicks sometimes don't work the way you want them to. Sometimes hard-ons do take a temporary vacation, for a few minutes or a whole evening. And it doesn't mean a damn thing about your manliness or your skill. It could mean any of the following:

* You're on medication that's affecting your erection.
* You're on recreational drugs, ditto.
* You're a cigarette smoker. (Smoking is one of the major causes of erectile dysfunction. If you want a reason to quit, that's a great one.)
* You have a medical or health condition that's affecting your hard-on.
* You're just plain old tired or stressed.

All these factors and more can keep a guy from getting it up even if he's turned on and wants to do it -- just like they can keep a woman from getting wet even if she's turned on and wants to do it.
DILDOS cont...

Now, if you invest your entire sense of sexual self-worth into your hard-on, this can be a real buzz-kill to an otherwise wonderful encounter. But if you're comfortable using a dildo, you can turn these temporary technical difficulties into opportunities for dirty dirty fun. (Do you like watching porn? Dildos can turn your bedroom into your very own porn studio -- sit back, and enjoy the show!)
And wait 'til you get to the Spontaneity module, where you'll learn about many more sexy games you can play with dildos.)
USING SEX TOYS TO MAKE YOURSELF A MORE ATTRACTIVE LOVER AND ENHANCE
YOUR SEX LIFE

I confess -- I cheated a little bit here. I snuck a lot of this lesson into the last couple of sections, and I'll be sneaking even more of it in as we go. Hell, this lesson is really what the entire workshop is all about.
But let's talk for a moment in more general terms, about how comfort and familiarity with sex toys can make you a more attractive lover -- and how it can make sex hotter and more intimate for both of you. Later on, you'll be getting some more specific practical tips on trying these principles in your own bedroom. Let's get a sense of the big picture first.

You can use sex toys to give you confidence and help you relax. Sex toys make it easier to help get your partner or yourself off... which means you don't have to have nearly the same level of performance anxiety. And confidence and relaxation are always attractive and sexy.

You can use sex toys to expand your repertoire. The more you use sex toys, the more tricks you'll have up your sleeve. You'll be turning yourself into a more creative lover... which will make you more attractive, and give both you and your partner more pleasure in bed.
USING SEX TOYS TO MAKE YOURSELF A
MORE ATTRACTIVE LOVER AND ENHANCE
YOUR SEX LIFE cont...

You can use sex toys to make yourself more flexible. Once you start using sex toys, your entire approach to sex will change. You won't just have a few new tricks up your sleeve (although that's certainly a fine thing). You'll see a whole world of sexual options open up... options much more vast than a set of possible formations for interlocking bodies.
You can use sex toys to make yourself a more caring partner. A lover who likes using sex toys with their partner is a lover who pays attention to their partner's pleasure. And that's one of the most attractive traits you can have.

You can use sex toys to just feel good. Sex toys are fun. They can do all these other wonderful things for your confidence and your skill -- but they also can just make you and your partner feel good and get off. You don't need any other reason to use them.

And you know what, guys? Sex toys aren't just about getting women off. They make sex toys for men, too. There are certainly more toys made for women -- but lots of toys are made specifically for men, and they're getting better all the time. And plenty of toys work great for both women and men.
SEX TOYS IN RELATIONSHIPS WHY COUPLES USE THEM, AND HOW THEY CAN IMPROVE BOTH THE RELATIONSHIP AND THE SEX

Once again, I'm cheating a bit here. All the stuff we just said about how to use sex toys to make yourself more attractive and skillful and have more fun in bed... all of it applies to couples in long-term relationships.
Of course it'll help all you swinging singles -- and more power to you! But there are special benefits that using sex toys together can give to couples... whether you've been together two months or twenty years.

* You can use sex toys to increase intimacy.
* Trying new things together creates a bond between you -- especially when you try new sexual things.
* If one or both of you is nervous at first, overcoming that nervousness and finding pleasure on the other side can create a very intense connection.
* Using sex toys can be a delightful naughty secret that just the two of you share -- and that's always a good time.


You can use sex toys to alleviate boredom. Even the best long-term relationships can fall into a sexual rut. Once you've learned each other's lovely sexual quirks, it's easy to just keep doing those same things. But trying sex toys together is a great way to re-capture that sense of newness you had when you were starting out.

And variations like sex toys can make the old favorites a whole lot more fun. When you have more variety, the old favorites have less of a sense of, "Same old same old," and more of a sense of, "Oh, yeah! We haven't done this for a while. This is great!"
SEX TOYS IN RELATIONSHIPS WHY COUPLES USE THEM, AND HOW THEY CAN IMPROVE BOTH THE RELATIONSHIP AND THE SEX


cont...
You can use sex toys to open other doors. Sex toys can be like a gateway drug. Once you've started experimenting with toys, you'll both be more comfortable exploring in other ways:
* acting out fantasies
* doing it in different places
* dressing up in sexy costumes or outfits
* generally trying more sexual variations

You can use sex toys to just feel good. Anything you do to make sex more of a pleasure for each other is going to make your relationship stronger and more of a pleasure for both of you. You don't need any other reason. The more you can make each other feel good, the happier you'll be together.

These are just a few reasons you might use sex toys -- whether you're a swinging single or a committed long-termer (or for that matter, a committed long-term swinger!). So now we have the all-important question -- HOW do you use sex toys?

Specifically, how do you use them together?

The next module is all about the do's and don'ts of sharing sex toys. You'll be learning:

STILL WEIRDED OUT? TRY THIS EXERCISE

If you are interested in using sex toys but there is still something that freaks you out about them, try this simple exercise.
1. Write down on a piece of paper all the things about sex toys that make you uncomfortable.

2. Now look at the things that makes you uncomfortable -- and strategize about each of them as a separate issue, instead of seeing them as all one big problem with sex toys in general. Many of the problems you might have with sex toys can be handled by something as simple as choosing the right sex toy... or changing the way you use them in your sex life.

For instance:

If your problem is that sex toys physically get in the way of sex, choose toys that are smaller and more versatile -- smaller battery-powered vibrators, for instance, instead of the bigger plug-in kind.

If your problem is that sex toys look ugly and un-sexy (and I agree, many of them do), choose higher-end sex toys that are designed to look as good as they feel.

If your problem is that you feel left out when your partner uses sex toys during sex with you, find ways to play with your partner while they are using sex toys on themselves -- or choose toys that you can use together.

If your problem with dildos is that they look too much like dicks and you do not want another dick in your bed, use dildos with a less realistic look. Get a dildo made of clear acrylic or glass; a dildo with space-age curves and fluting; a dildo that is bright green.

If your problem is that sex toys interrupt the moment and kill the mood... well, we will be talking a lot more about that later on. We have an entire module devoted to it. But for now, here is one important tip: Keep your sex toys close to your bed (or wherever you have sex), well-organized and in a place that is easy to reach, so you do not spend more than a few seconds digging one out and bringing it into bed with you.

These are obviously just a few examples. But hopefully they will give you the idea. If you can figure out what -- exactly -- is making you uneasy about sex toys, you will have an easier time finding a way around it.
HOMEWORK
CAN BE FUN!

Your homework assignment for this chapter: Start a conversation! Adult Friend Finder has a bunch of chat threads and discussion groups.
Your assignment is to get into one of them and start a conversation about sex toys -- or get into a conversation that's already happening! Ask other Friend Finder folks about their experiences with sex toys -- not just which ones they like (although that's good information, too), but why they use sex toys and what they get out of it, what it was like when they were first experimenting with them and how they feel about them now.
QUIZ FOR MODULE #1

Before you pass on to the next module, here's a quiz to tell you if you've passed this one:
1. Why do most people use sex toys and products?
a) Their sex life has reached a plateau, and they need something kinky to keep their interest alive.
b) They don't mind interruptions and sex that is not spontaneous.
c) Their sex life is probably a priority in their lives.
d) They aren't good enough lovers to get their partners off by themselves.

2. How do sex toys affect most people's sex lives?
a) Toys make you a more methodical lover, less impulsive and animalistic.
b) Toys make you a lazy lover, dependent on toys to get yourself or your partner off.
c) Toys make you more attractive by making you more creative and relaxed in bed.
d) Toys diminish your confidence about your own ability to please your partner.

3. Dildos are:
a) A substitute for a penis, for men who have trouble getting it up.
b) A tool for sexual penetration, to supplement penises and other body parts.
c) Mostly for lesbians.
d) A sign that there's something wrong with your sex life.

4. Women usually use lube because:
a) They aren't turned on, and don't really want to have sex.
b) They are turned on, but aren't getting as wet as they'd like.
c) Their partners aren't good enough lovers to make them wet.
d) All of the above.

5. Vibrators are:
a) Good for masturbation, but get in the way during lovemaking.
b) Good for women who are too tense to come the natural way
c) Good for men who aren't skilled enough to make their partners come.
d) Good for both women and men.

Answers: 1c, 2c, 3b, 4b, 5d

If you got four or more right, you're ready for the next step!