Love....is addictive and so damaging to one's health and well-being at the same time. It is also so powerful when things are smooth...give one's the feel of power and fearlessness. It is also a double-edges sword. It can "cuts" both ways... for eg : if handle wrongly, it hurts the person holding it more than the one it is supposed to cut. SHIT here? just feel the joke was on me.
It creates crazy thoughts and some jealousy....even to one as "seasoned" as me. That no matter how I act indifferently, it "hurts" inside. From my outside appearance....I act "cool", hehehe what a joke? The more I don't know the better....that is how I think but then again, the less I know the more I want to know that is when the mind plays tricks inside. This is when it starts to hurt...the cold turkey treatment. Until I know my eyes can hardly stay 'open' but I still need to pen these feeling down in my blog....as a lesson learned and not to be repeated in future.
Just like the movie...."CLOSER". Life is funny....LOL.
Guess people write and direct '"movie" from past experience and the message is there. One will understand it better when one has similar experience...to "relate" it.
This is more or less...my present situation at the moment. Honey...if you read this, I promised you this....I will "never" love you less and I don't regret knowing you also. I must "calm" myself
with my feeling for you...and continue to be the "sotong king". ( stay "blur" or act "blur" or maybe both...hehehe for my sake)
Friday, March 11, 2005
What a lousy week?
No honey for me this week....and man! been waiting for it all along. Bare flesh thing....sighed. Guess my horoscorp predictions were right. Been looking forward on good old times and yes! the good old times remained as good old times. Nothing happen...time spent and gone, expectations
not fulfilled. Ball ached and head ached...in fact, everything ached. And life moves on.
For the week, the only things I managed to do were...go get myself 2 days of mc and end-up watching football in TV for 2 nights. Then of lunar calendar 15th and 16th....go pray2, well it was a saving grace for that. Calm my soul...think "good" but inside still longing for my honey. Man! I am so addicted and it can hurt to suffer the "cold turkey" treatment.
Thanks...that this week is done!!! Looking forward again to next week, cross my fingers or my everything that the trip will "happen" and things will be alright again. For one just adding to the number....guess that is called "hope" but not blind fate. I dare not think too much about the future when it is beyond my control.
At the Waterloo temple, I took the chance to ask the goddess of mercy about her predictions for my immediate future...and it is quite good. Stated as....the replenishment of spring water into a old well. Interpretation : good ( success is here after all the worries. As my heart and mind is at peace and so that I will see success. A benefactor will assist me and my arguments are proven right. Sickness will be cured. What I am attempting will produce a well giving sweet water at the end ).
Man....this is consorting to me and give me "hope". I kept this message in my wallet in order for it to produce the "results". Man needs gods....or a drowning man needs to have a divine help in order to save himself. I can't ask for more....especially this week and in my present conditions. For my sickness is cured....maybe the cold turkey treatments I am getting for the past few weeks does help to "open" my eyes wider to see myself and for what I really am. Maybe it is telling me that it is time to wake up to the "facts" of life. And stop trying to hold on to the "good old times". But still inside me....how I wish that I can have all over again. SO POWERFUL..........
"love".
not fulfilled. Ball ached and head ached...in fact, everything ached. And life moves on.
For the week, the only things I managed to do were...go get myself 2 days of mc and end-up watching football in TV for 2 nights. Then of lunar calendar 15th and 16th....go pray2, well it was a saving grace for that. Calm my soul...think "good" but inside still longing for my honey. Man! I am so addicted and it can hurt to suffer the "cold turkey" treatment.
Thanks...that this week is done!!! Looking forward again to next week, cross my fingers or my everything that the trip will "happen" and things will be alright again. For one just adding to the number....guess that is called "hope" but not blind fate. I dare not think too much about the future when it is beyond my control.
At the Waterloo temple, I took the chance to ask the goddess of mercy about her predictions for my immediate future...and it is quite good. Stated as....the replenishment of spring water into a old well. Interpretation : good ( success is here after all the worries. As my heart and mind is at peace and so that I will see success. A benefactor will assist me and my arguments are proven right. Sickness will be cured. What I am attempting will produce a well giving sweet water at the end ).
Man....this is consorting to me and give me "hope". I kept this message in my wallet in order for it to produce the "results". Man needs gods....or a drowning man needs to have a divine help in order to save himself. I can't ask for more....especially this week and in my present conditions. For my sickness is cured....maybe the cold turkey treatments I am getting for the past few weeks does help to "open" my eyes wider to see myself and for what I really am. Maybe it is telling me that it is time to wake up to the "facts" of life. And stop trying to hold on to the "good old times". But still inside me....how I wish that I can have all over again. SO POWERFUL..........
"love".
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Tuesday...what the "fxxx" life?
Already Tuesday, and didn't get much done. This is a very slow week for me ain't last week where life was so shiok. Now holding my gun in my hand and trying to recall what happen last week hehehe.
Last night, saw on the news in tv about the whole family had die due to heavy debts. Well, yes! time is getting harder and money getting tighter too. Yes! some have done very, very well but the silent majority in Singapore are in deep shit in term of job and job satisfaction. The pay is maybe just enough to keep up with all the loans and with any bad luck or screw-up...will end-up in deep deep shit. Guess that happen to the man of the family. Since he had managed to kill all and himself, now there are people saying "why" should he has to do the things he did and that there is a way out. To me...that is all rubbish talk. There is no way out....especially when you hit a bad patch very, very hard and when pride is on the line. Who can anyone turn to? Friends or neighbours or even relatives? Man! things are not so simple....when the whole world "fuck out" on you. I understand and respect his decision and if his wife and kids willingly followed his decision...then, may God blessed their souls. Power!!! It takes "guts" to do the things the family did. Guess...the sad part is that in the future, we will see more of these happening when we "progress" further into the future.
It is little wonder that most working people in Singapore "Q" up at the betting shop. Be it for 4D or toto....there is little other choice to hit it "big" now. If to depend on work to have a better life than guess it is too late. Maybe we expect too much but that is the way we are led to think. We had our good years...but not anymore. I fear for my kids' future. One thing lucky for me is that I am close to retiring and maybe I too had to kill myself to lighten my burden to my family soon.
Guess this is called " expiry date".
Even...my young honey is pressured into thinking of killing herself too. So sad when you think that she is still young and had wonderful kids too. So what's happening? High expectation? Shitty job? Cookerized environment?
Maybe....we are going too fast with all the global competitions that we as a "race" has not catch up fast enough. We are so pathetic?
So "fuck" and be happy....life is just for the rich and elite. For the rest...we just make up the numbers.
Last night, saw on the news in tv about the whole family had die due to heavy debts. Well, yes! time is getting harder and money getting tighter too. Yes! some have done very, very well but the silent majority in Singapore are in deep shit in term of job and job satisfaction. The pay is maybe just enough to keep up with all the loans and with any bad luck or screw-up...will end-up in deep deep shit. Guess that happen to the man of the family. Since he had managed to kill all and himself, now there are people saying "why" should he has to do the things he did and that there is a way out. To me...that is all rubbish talk. There is no way out....especially when you hit a bad patch very, very hard and when pride is on the line. Who can anyone turn to? Friends or neighbours or even relatives? Man! things are not so simple....when the whole world "fuck out" on you. I understand and respect his decision and if his wife and kids willingly followed his decision...then, may God blessed their souls. Power!!! It takes "guts" to do the things the family did. Guess...the sad part is that in the future, we will see more of these happening when we "progress" further into the future.
It is little wonder that most working people in Singapore "Q" up at the betting shop. Be it for 4D or toto....there is little other choice to hit it "big" now. If to depend on work to have a better life than guess it is too late. Maybe we expect too much but that is the way we are led to think. We had our good years...but not anymore. I fear for my kids' future. One thing lucky for me is that I am close to retiring and maybe I too had to kill myself to lighten my burden to my family soon.
Guess this is called " expiry date".
Even...my young honey is pressured into thinking of killing herself too. So sad when you think that she is still young and had wonderful kids too. So what's happening? High expectation? Shitty job? Cookerized environment?
Maybe....we are going too fast with all the global competitions that we as a "race" has not catch up fast enough. We are so pathetic?
So "fuck" and be happy....life is just for the rich and elite. For the rest...we just make up the numbers.
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