Hope to find peace within myself

Yes....for all the past mistakes I have done, I need to calm myself down and reflected on them. Surely....in order to find peace within myself, I must first acknowledge my past failures and look for my strong points in my life and move on from there. Or else....I am stuck within this nightmare and just watching myself wasting away....like a piece of ice out in the sun. So painful
so surely turn to water if....I stay put.
I must not be too stubborn....to see the writing on the wall. After all....I have done what I can and if that still fail or unsatisfactory, then at least....I know I have put my best efforts to do the best I can in every tasks I am assigned to.

Just read my horoscope....from Rochelle Gordon ( Psychic N Astrologer ) and in it she wrote ;
It's time to focus on a new beginning and the power you have to change your life forever. In order to change, first thing you must do is to get yourself unstuck and that you look closely at how you perceive yourself. Most limitations to success you perceive come from internalizing negative messages from people and past events. These can easily be overcome.

This is very important for you to remember that you do have the power to succeed. And to grow your awareness and choice-making ability, so you can experience abundance in every area of your life.

Know the thoughts that empower you to succeed come from your true self and a Higher Power. This is why you must first love yourself and embrace the incredible blessings you have been given.

Now more than ever, you should know that it is not only possible to change your thinking but also your actions. This steady change will allow your dreams to blossom and be realized. "The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it"

And to find peace within oneself, can only then....you proceed with your journey thru life and to discover far greater joy, success and happiness.

You can't expect to achieve success or move beyond your present situation unless your truly believe in yourself. Now is the time to use this inner power to change your life.

As Henry Thoreau wrote "I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor"

Things to remember to concentrate on ;
1) Focusing mind on the best achievements, both big and small and the ability to succeed.

2) Quieting mind for 15 mins each day in order to feel the energy flow within you. This will help get your thoughts moving in the right direction so that you can begin to realize your dreams.

3) Choosing one goal and taking your first step towards achieving it.

The meaning of life

Yah....saw in today's straits time....in one of the pages about this subject. It was put to 300 different persons arranging from top biz men to the simplest bus boy to write on the subject with max 250 words each. And it is interested....to read what each has to write becoz the meaning of life.....is so profoundly different for everyone of them. This is then compiled into a book with the same heading.
As for me....Love hurts, love passionately then it will hurt worst. But somehow....guess I never able to learn that, still blindingly do it and the result....a thousand blinding pain in the heart. Especially so for those who live by the sword.....shall die by the sword. Meaning....those who choose to live for "love" shall at the end, suffer all the pain and hatred becoz of "love". I am a good example.........
and I am paying the price for it now. There will be a "waterloo"....for all the passionate lovers out there. Only time will tell.....

From dream to reality then back to dream.

Funny things happen this morning.....from my dream, I was swimming with my honey in a beautiful resort....like Bintan Lagoon. So excited....sudden wake-up shit then realised that it was just a beautiful dream. Tired very hard to sleep but mind wonders.....sleep is the last thing on my mind. Look at my watch....only 5am.
Then....I just closed my eyes.....in and out of sleep. Then hear the alarm for my kid to wake up for school. Sms my honey....thinking that she was on the way to school in a taxi with friends. So happy to see my honey's reply....2 replies but didn't quite catch the 2nd one. Thought to fetch her from school in the evening....so excited again. Then wife called to tell me....my kid was waiting for me to send her to school. Anyhow....grab my short and go "off"....not even wear my underwear.
Midway....another sms. Didn't read till I reached home after dropping off my kid. Man :)...my honey means now fetch. Confirmed with her immediately....then drive like a mad man over.
So so happy....to see my honey but with my short, shit!!! everything was a "goner". Drop her off
then went home ready for her sms or call again....this time, all ready for actions.
Then....the not so good news. Man :(.......back to zero again.
Well....tried to sleep again.....again can't sleep......a lot of what "if". Now.....wondering if this was a dream to make me "happy" for a moment. I was given the chance....but didn't choose to take it.
Thanks "honey"....for the beautiful dream.

PS - feel I need to write it down....my feeling.