Another headache soon!!!! Gotto accompany them around...and to KL during their 2 week stay here. Sighed!!!!
Frankly...I was never close to this brother and his family, in fact I hated his guts so shit....I have to be with them for during my rest days ( 4 + 3 day = 1 whole week ) Man!!! that would be a torture!
My elder brother...very clever, just act "blur" and that his place has no spare room for them to put up. Same same with his daughter ( 5 room HDB at Bt Merah - they rented out 1 room....but still got one spare room for their tiny dog but not for people ). Shit smart people....me, idiot....fast fast said i got 2 spare rooms when me and my family roomed together to make space for them. See....not smart being too honest, so kena this situation hor!
Never good to be too honest or helpful....usually kena "sobo". Same same at my work place....I usually tried to do more than others becoz I don't want my own girls to be lazy but doing more also got more chance of doing more mistakes! Ok....my fault again....will just do my fair share then just closed my 2 eyes! hehehe....no more unhappiness hor when less chance for boss to screw me.
Wah....if we can have the time to sit down calmly and think thru our problems or troubles, I believe we can solve most of them easily. Just take time...and a cool mind! Cheers!!!
Saturday, July 04, 2009
self relfection
Lately with all the troubles and problems I am facing at work and also my personal life...somehow feel that I am being very sensitive about everything good or bad around me. And that...is making me very depressed! And also very short-tempered!
At work...I can be very scarily when I get "hot", long black face the whole night. Frankly this is not my nature but somehow I just can't help it not be pissed with what is happening. I am getting the "blame thingy" for things done by other teams but just becoz the bosses need a scrap-goat and somehow I was the "ONE". Just reminded me of what happened to me is my last workplace towards the end of the company too. That also made me....very resentful towards the top management. Guessed...something never change, human nature!!! When things get bad....it is somehow fashionable to see others die first before oneself, rightly or wrongly! For me...I believed strongly on fair play and doing the right thing, so I am the odd ball in the whole group becoz I don't play their games.
On personal level....with in a condo also present a different lifestyle. Yes! more things to do eg to swim, to go to gym or game room eg badminton, table tennis, tennis and others. So....when no one wants to go with me, I somehow felt empty...like unwanted! And that really makes me sad....and unhappy! My family.....
giving me the cold shoulder!!! While living in HDB flat...we will never have this issue becoz there is nothing to talk about in the first place....no game room!
Well....I must open up to people. I do noticed that there are some old men...who also are having this issue at my place. I was alone...but these old men will started to make friendly talks. The trouble is that I am the loner type....so unless I open up and be friendly or I will be getting more depressed as time pass by. I didn't realised this until today why these old guys are so friendly and chatty. Oh...they told me that they have retired from working. No wonder...they go to the Bt Timah hill on morning walks....and to 7th Miles hawker centre for kopi breaks. I was thinking that they are so free....yes, they are too free! At least...they keep themselves occupied with their activities. For me...if didn't go to AIA or work, I would be also shit free! Sometime....the wife and children want to do their own things esp wife as she is studying in poly....complaining or hinting she has not studied her lessons or do her class project. And that I am in her way!!! OK...now I will keep myself busy too....make friends with other people hor! Maybe can widen my opening too hehehe. Like what lobangs?
At work...I can be very scarily when I get "hot", long black face the whole night. Frankly this is not my nature but somehow I just can't help it not be pissed with what is happening. I am getting the "blame thingy" for things done by other teams but just becoz the bosses need a scrap-goat and somehow I was the "ONE". Just reminded me of what happened to me is my last workplace towards the end of the company too. That also made me....very resentful towards the top management. Guessed...something never change, human nature!!! When things get bad....it is somehow fashionable to see others die first before oneself, rightly or wrongly! For me...I believed strongly on fair play and doing the right thing, so I am the odd ball in the whole group becoz I don't play their games.
On personal level....with in a condo also present a different lifestyle. Yes! more things to do eg to swim, to go to gym or game room eg badminton, table tennis, tennis and others. So....when no one wants to go with me, I somehow felt empty...like unwanted! And that really makes me sad....and unhappy! My family.....
giving me the cold shoulder!!! While living in HDB flat...we will never have this issue becoz there is nothing to talk about in the first place....no game room!
Well....I must open up to people. I do noticed that there are some old men...who also are having this issue at my place. I was alone...but these old men will started to make friendly talks. The trouble is that I am the loner type....so unless I open up and be friendly or I will be getting more depressed as time pass by. I didn't realised this until today why these old guys are so friendly and chatty. Oh...they told me that they have retired from working. No wonder...they go to the Bt Timah hill on morning walks....and to 7th Miles hawker centre for kopi breaks. I was thinking that they are so free....yes, they are too free! At least...they keep themselves occupied with their activities. For me...if didn't go to AIA or work, I would be also shit free! Sometime....the wife and children want to do their own things esp wife as she is studying in poly....complaining or hinting she has not studied her lessons or do her class project. And that I am in her way!!! OK...now I will keep myself busy too....make friends with other people hor! Maybe can widen my opening too hehehe. Like what lobangs?
Friday, July 03, 2009
Written 2 blogs about my present situation
But shit...both times, somehow it is not able to publish it. At the end...just give up writing any more.
Now...let's see whether will it be okay for this one. Btw managed to see that one of them was saved as draft.
So maybe somehow....there was a bug in the system yesterday.
Now...let's see whether will it be okay for this one. Btw managed to see that one of them was saved as draft.
So maybe somehow....there was a bug in the system yesterday.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Back to work after 4 days rest
Wah....so fast, just like having a blink of the eyes and now back to work. Now that work is no more a joy due to office's back-stabbers....work is a stressful thing. Yes! all the back-stabbing due to the unstable work situation....makes it looks like some people are more willing than others to back-stab. To me....these are the very people who can't really make it for their own merits or hard work, so "die die" will do whatever it takes to climb or just to stay around. The worst thing....is that the bosses are also more or less the same type, so same same hor! Well....just can't help to make things any easier for all.
My brother and his family will be visiting us from US on 10/7 to 22/7. Shit....gotto go to KL with them during my off days on 12/7 to 15/7 then again from 19/7 to 21/7.
They will stay with us....during my off days and will stay with his in-laws during my working days. Btw...I am not much of a good host, same same for my own family ( children and wife included ....in fact, they are even worst )
Now.....looking at things, not much to be interested in and what I really want to do or like to do....I don't have much of a "say" or "control" over it. In the end...I
just blink blink and hope for the best. EG....the rally for the stock market since 13th March till now. When the market crashed....I was "killed" but when market goes up, I was broke and just watch it goes up....just paralysis by fear of losing more money. Now...sold flat and in the end, got nothing much left after clearing of the earlier losses. Again....paralysis with fear about when to buy the next flat and so on. Buy to early....also mati, buy too late also mati! Now one thing is do right is that I don't buy the Newspapers ST everyday...more read more feel worst!!
Look at the situation in S'pore, things are not really that bad but look at the US and Euro....job losses are increasing even for those in Eastern Euro. Really having a worst time in their life. The rich...are still rich but the poor are getting poorer and their situation are just horrible. I really feel sad for them....same same for those 3th-world countries where finding food for their family is also a problem....not to mention housing and clean water. All basis stuffs are problem!
Not happy to see all these suffering by others....and it doesn't make me feel better too. Just make me "tired" watching all these hardships.
Now...frankly I spend more time at home with family....mainly with wife but she at times don't quite like my closeness. She said so...herself, funny but true when I am wanting to do the right thing. And don't quite like to bother others....I just sit and watch TV. Really makes me feel "old" and "useless". Big fear....if jobless or sick then I must draw up a exit plan for myself than waiting to die slowly. Yes....to
die is not really difficult thing to do, just gotto do it nicely or cleanly. Really don't want to wait till too sick or too poor or too old to do a damn thing about life. Sometimes....reading in the newspapers or on the news that some people die suddenly...frankly I wished to trade places with them. No....not that I am sick now or things like that, just feel "tired and sad" at times. Yes....also see old men having "fun" with young PRC ladies....but not for me, I don't feel good about it maybe due to "no kaki with this habit to start with" or due to lack of communication becoz my chinese sucks big time. Also knows....that the PRC loves an old fcuk like me for being me. Btw who the fcuk is me....a nobody and even wife finds me too troublesome becoz I want to go to gym or go for a swim with her. She rather sit at home with her pc....shit! Oh...now I do understand why the old men spend time to la kopi at coffeeshops with the PRC ladies. Yes...at least they got company while I sit alone staring at the TV till fell asleep. To just go out and spend time with others make me feel "guilt" as I know that time is not on my side esp now and in my situation. I am living on borrowed time....and everyday is a bonus
My brother and his family will be visiting us from US on 10/7 to 22/7. Shit....gotto go to KL with them during my off days on 12/7 to 15/7 then again from 19/7 to 21/7.
They will stay with us....during my off days and will stay with his in-laws during my working days. Btw...I am not much of a good host, same same for my own family ( children and wife included ....in fact, they are even worst )
Now.....looking at things, not much to be interested in and what I really want to do or like to do....I don't have much of a "say" or "control" over it. In the end...I
just blink blink and hope for the best. EG....the rally for the stock market since 13th March till now. When the market crashed....I was "killed" but when market goes up, I was broke and just watch it goes up....just paralysis by fear of losing more money. Now...sold flat and in the end, got nothing much left after clearing of the earlier losses. Again....paralysis with fear about when to buy the next flat and so on. Buy to early....also mati, buy too late also mati! Now one thing is do right is that I don't buy the Newspapers ST everyday...more read more feel worst!!
Look at the situation in S'pore, things are not really that bad but look at the US and Euro....job losses are increasing even for those in Eastern Euro. Really having a worst time in their life. The rich...are still rich but the poor are getting poorer and their situation are just horrible. I really feel sad for them....same same for those 3th-world countries where finding food for their family is also a problem....not to mention housing and clean water. All basis stuffs are problem!
Not happy to see all these suffering by others....and it doesn't make me feel better too. Just make me "tired" watching all these hardships.
Now...frankly I spend more time at home with family....mainly with wife but she at times don't quite like my closeness. She said so...herself, funny but true when I am wanting to do the right thing. And don't quite like to bother others....I just sit and watch TV. Really makes me feel "old" and "useless". Big fear....if jobless or sick then I must draw up a exit plan for myself than waiting to die slowly. Yes....to
die is not really difficult thing to do, just gotto do it nicely or cleanly. Really don't want to wait till too sick or too poor or too old to do a damn thing about life. Sometimes....reading in the newspapers or on the news that some people die suddenly...frankly I wished to trade places with them. No....not that I am sick now or things like that, just feel "tired and sad" at times. Yes....also see old men having "fun" with young PRC ladies....but not for me, I don't feel good about it maybe due to "no kaki with this habit to start with" or due to lack of communication becoz my chinese sucks big time. Also knows....that the PRC loves an old fcuk like me for being me. Btw who the fcuk is me....a nobody and even wife finds me too troublesome becoz I want to go to gym or go for a swim with her. She rather sit at home with her pc....shit! Oh...now I do understand why the old men spend time to la kopi at coffeeshops with the PRC ladies. Yes...at least they got company while I sit alone staring at the TV till fell asleep. To just go out and spend time with others make me feel "guilt" as I know that time is not on my side esp now and in my situation. I am living on borrowed time....and everyday is a bonus
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)