White Flag
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it well I'd still have felt it,
where's the sense in that
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were but
I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble,
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over" then I'm sure that that makes sense
butI will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet, which I'm sure we will
All that was there,
will be there still I'll let it pass,
and hold my tongue
And you will think, that I've moved on....
I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Can Men and women be "Friends" ?
OVERCOMING SEX
If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, it may explain at least one of their shared beliefs: Men and women can't be real friends. Blame the sexual tension that almost inevitably exists between any red-blooded, heterosexual man and woman. Point to the jealousy that plagues many rational people when a significant other befriends someone of the opposite sex. Boil it down to the inherent differences between the sexes.
CHALLENGE #1
Defining the Relationship: Friends or lovers?
Platonic love does exist and confirms that "friendship attraction" or a connection devoid of lust, is a bona fide type of bond that people experience. Distinguishing between romantic, sexual and friendly feelings, however, can be exceedingly difficult.
"People don't know what feelings are appropriate toward the opposite sex, unless they're what our culture defines as appropriate. You know you love someone and enjoy them as a person, but not enough to date or marry them. What does this mean?"
CHALLENGE #2
Overcoming Attraction: Let's talk about sex
The reality that sexual attraction could suddenly enter the equation of a cross-sex friendship uninvited is always lurking in the background. A simple, platonic hug could instantaneously take on a more amorous meaning. Unwelcome or not, the attraction is difficult to ignore.
Topping women's list of dislikes: sexual tension. Men, on the other hand, more frequently replied that sexual attraction was a prime reason for initiating a friendship, and that it could even deepen a friendship.
CHALLENGE #3
Establishing Equality: The power play
Friendship should be a pairing of equals. But, "in a culture where men have always been more equal than women, male dominance, prestige and power is baggage that both men and women are likely to bring to a relationship."
CHALLENGE #4
The Public Eye: Dealing with doubters
Society may not be entirely ready for friendships between men and women that have no sexual subtext. People with close friends of the opposite sex are often barraged with nudging, winking and skepticism: "Are you really just friends?" This is especially true, of older adults, who grew up when men and women were off-limits to each other until marriage.
CHALLENGE #5
The Meeting Place: Finding friends
As the workplace and other social arenas become increasingly open to women, the sexes are mingling more and more. Still, men and women continue to have surprisingly few opportunities to interact.
"Boys and girls form their own gender groups in elementary school, they learn their own ways of relating to each other. So when they do get together, inspired by puberty, they see each other as dating partners because they've never really known each other as friends." A surprisingly major factor in this phenomenon is the kids' own innate interest in children who act like they do. Called "voluntary gender segregation," it continues into adulthood. "You see it at cocktail parties, that men go off to one corner, and women go to another."
TRUTH #1
Friendship is not equal opportunity
Not until high school does puberty really draw boys and girls together, which then continues into college. But as people develop serious romantic relationships or get married, making and maintaining cross-sex friendships becomes harder. "Even the most secure people in a strong marriage probably don't want a spouse to be establishing a new friendship, especially with someone who's very attractive".
TRUTH #2
Men benefit more from cross-sex friendship than women
There are proven--and apparent--distinct differences between female friendship and male friendship. Women spend the majority of their time together discussing their thoughts and feelings, while men tend to be far more group-oriented. Males gather to play sports or travel or talk stock quotes; rarely do they share feelings or personal reflections. This may explain why they seem to get far more out of cross-sex friendship than their female counterparts.
TRUTH #3
...but women benefit, too
All that sharing and discussing in female-female friendship can become exhausting, as any woman who's stayed up all night comforting a brokenhearted girlfriend can attest. With men, women can joke and banter without any emotional baggage. "Friendships with men are lighter, more fun, as most men aren't so sensitive about things." What they liked most of all, however, was getting some insight into what guys really think.
TRUTH #4
Cross-sex friendships are emotionally rewarding
Although women dig men's lighthearted attitude, most male-female friendships resemble women's emotionally-involving friendships more than they do men's activity-oriented relationships. The No. 1 thing male and female friends do together is talk one-on-one. Other activities they prefer--like dining out and going for drives--simply facilitate that communication. In fact, close male-female friends are extremely emotionally supportive if they continuously examine their feelings, opinions and ideas. "Males appreciate this because it tends not to be a part of their same-sex friendships. while females appreciate garnering the male perspective on their lives."
TRUTH #5
It's not all about sex
"In reality, sex isn't always on the agenda, but that could be due to sexual orientation, lack of physical attraction or involvement in another romantic relationship." After all, even friends who are attracted to each other may also recognize that qualities they tolerate in a friendship wouldn't necessarily work in a serious romantic relationship. And after years of considering someone as a friend, it often becomes difficult to see a cross-sex pal as a romantic possibility.
Of pairs that do face the question of lust, those that decide early on to bypass an uncertain romantic relationship are more likely to have an enduring friendship. Interestingly, those subjects did not transition the friendship into a romantic relationship, suggesting that they preferred friendship over sex.
TRUTH #6
Male-female friendships are political
Men and women have increasingly similar rights, opportunities and interests, which can make cross-sex friendship very political and it upsets the agreed-upon social order. that women and men engage in an equal relationship or they aren't friends." Whatever the challenges of male-female friendship, both genders have to openly and honestly negotiate exactly what their relationship will mean--whether sexual attraction is a factor and how they'll deal with it--and establish boundaries. In the friendships that survived--and even thrived--after sex or attraction came into play were those in which the friends extensively discussed the meaning of the sexual activity and felt confident and positive about each other's feelings. Once they got past that, they were home free.
"If sex is part of the dynamic, addressing it explicitly is the best strategy" for making sure the friendship survives. "The issue will fester if friends try to ignore it."
So in the end, male-female friendship does have something in common with romantic relationships: To work, communication is key. Would you agree with this?
If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, it may explain at least one of their shared beliefs: Men and women can't be real friends. Blame the sexual tension that almost inevitably exists between any red-blooded, heterosexual man and woman. Point to the jealousy that plagues many rational people when a significant other befriends someone of the opposite sex. Boil it down to the inherent differences between the sexes.
CHALLENGE #1
Defining the Relationship: Friends or lovers?
Platonic love does exist and confirms that "friendship attraction" or a connection devoid of lust, is a bona fide type of bond that people experience. Distinguishing between romantic, sexual and friendly feelings, however, can be exceedingly difficult.
"People don't know what feelings are appropriate toward the opposite sex, unless they're what our culture defines as appropriate. You know you love someone and enjoy them as a person, but not enough to date or marry them. What does this mean?"
CHALLENGE #2
Overcoming Attraction: Let's talk about sex
The reality that sexual attraction could suddenly enter the equation of a cross-sex friendship uninvited is always lurking in the background. A simple, platonic hug could instantaneously take on a more amorous meaning. Unwelcome or not, the attraction is difficult to ignore.
Topping women's list of dislikes: sexual tension. Men, on the other hand, more frequently replied that sexual attraction was a prime reason for initiating a friendship, and that it could even deepen a friendship.
CHALLENGE #3
Establishing Equality: The power play
Friendship should be a pairing of equals. But, "in a culture where men have always been more equal than women, male dominance, prestige and power is baggage that both men and women are likely to bring to a relationship."
CHALLENGE #4
The Public Eye: Dealing with doubters
Society may not be entirely ready for friendships between men and women that have no sexual subtext. People with close friends of the opposite sex are often barraged with nudging, winking and skepticism: "Are you really just friends?" This is especially true, of older adults, who grew up when men and women were off-limits to each other until marriage.
CHALLENGE #5
The Meeting Place: Finding friends
As the workplace and other social arenas become increasingly open to women, the sexes are mingling more and more. Still, men and women continue to have surprisingly few opportunities to interact.
"Boys and girls form their own gender groups in elementary school, they learn their own ways of relating to each other. So when they do get together, inspired by puberty, they see each other as dating partners because they've never really known each other as friends." A surprisingly major factor in this phenomenon is the kids' own innate interest in children who act like they do. Called "voluntary gender segregation," it continues into adulthood. "You see it at cocktail parties, that men go off to one corner, and women go to another."
TRUTH #1
Friendship is not equal opportunity
Not until high school does puberty really draw boys and girls together, which then continues into college. But as people develop serious romantic relationships or get married, making and maintaining cross-sex friendships becomes harder. "Even the most secure people in a strong marriage probably don't want a spouse to be establishing a new friendship, especially with someone who's very attractive".
TRUTH #2
Men benefit more from cross-sex friendship than women
There are proven--and apparent--distinct differences between female friendship and male friendship. Women spend the majority of their time together discussing their thoughts and feelings, while men tend to be far more group-oriented. Males gather to play sports or travel or talk stock quotes; rarely do they share feelings or personal reflections. This may explain why they seem to get far more out of cross-sex friendship than their female counterparts.
TRUTH #3
...but women benefit, too
All that sharing and discussing in female-female friendship can become exhausting, as any woman who's stayed up all night comforting a brokenhearted girlfriend can attest. With men, women can joke and banter without any emotional baggage. "Friendships with men are lighter, more fun, as most men aren't so sensitive about things." What they liked most of all, however, was getting some insight into what guys really think.
TRUTH #4
Cross-sex friendships are emotionally rewarding
Although women dig men's lighthearted attitude, most male-female friendships resemble women's emotionally-involving friendships more than they do men's activity-oriented relationships. The No. 1 thing male and female friends do together is talk one-on-one. Other activities they prefer--like dining out and going for drives--simply facilitate that communication. In fact, close male-female friends are extremely emotionally supportive if they continuously examine their feelings, opinions and ideas. "Males appreciate this because it tends not to be a part of their same-sex friendships. while females appreciate garnering the male perspective on their lives."
TRUTH #5
It's not all about sex
"In reality, sex isn't always on the agenda, but that could be due to sexual orientation, lack of physical attraction or involvement in another romantic relationship." After all, even friends who are attracted to each other may also recognize that qualities they tolerate in a friendship wouldn't necessarily work in a serious romantic relationship. And after years of considering someone as a friend, it often becomes difficult to see a cross-sex pal as a romantic possibility.
Of pairs that do face the question of lust, those that decide early on to bypass an uncertain romantic relationship are more likely to have an enduring friendship. Interestingly, those subjects did not transition the friendship into a romantic relationship, suggesting that they preferred friendship over sex.
TRUTH #6
Male-female friendships are political
Men and women have increasingly similar rights, opportunities and interests, which can make cross-sex friendship very political and it upsets the agreed-upon social order. that women and men engage in an equal relationship or they aren't friends." Whatever the challenges of male-female friendship, both genders have to openly and honestly negotiate exactly what their relationship will mean--whether sexual attraction is a factor and how they'll deal with it--and establish boundaries. In the friendships that survived--and even thrived--after sex or attraction came into play were those in which the friends extensively discussed the meaning of the sexual activity and felt confident and positive about each other's feelings. Once they got past that, they were home free.
"If sex is part of the dynamic, addressing it explicitly is the best strategy" for making sure the friendship survives. "The issue will fester if friends try to ignore it."
So in the end, male-female friendship does have something in common with romantic relationships: To work, communication is key. Would you agree with this?
Friday, November 18, 2005
Forcing Love?
Yes, you can make yourself deliberately fall in love with someone you presently like but do not really love, but not easily. Usually, you strongly favor a few traits of your beloved, such as beauty and intelligence. And you firmly convince yourself that your beloved uniquely possesses them and fall in love with that "special" person. Because of your distinct prejudices, you have great difficulty falling for anyone else, however much you like them. But if you work hard at convincing yourself that another person has uniquely outstanding traits and will lead you to certain bliss, you may fall in love with him or her. Don't, however, count on it.
Romantic love, commitment and all but the most fleeting passion share one important feature: Each is created with intention. Romantic love may feel magical, but we learn to love in a deliberate fashion. Can we learn to love just anyone? Not without entirely recreating ourselves, our personal beliefs and attitudes, a process that would be unlikely. One needs shared core beliefs and attitudes, a simple foundation on which to build.
Learning to love another person is an adventure, but it is not about scaling mountains. Rather, it is negotiating the ordinary business of life. Love is becoming intimate, learning things that few others know or care to know about one's partner.
The answer, of course, is "Yes, it happens every day." Yet our culture persists in the belief and promotion of an idealized romantic notion of love that makes the pronouncement, "We were made for each other." It is as if we have little to say in the matter-either love finds us or it doesn't. These romantic falsehoods tend to obscure the actual work involved in creating love between two people. This work involves shared commitment, responsibility, fidelity and mutual respect. When we say that people "fall" in love, we would do well to think more in terms of "choosing" and "creating" love together...
Interesting?
Romantic love, commitment and all but the most fleeting passion share one important feature: Each is created with intention. Romantic love may feel magical, but we learn to love in a deliberate fashion. Can we learn to love just anyone? Not without entirely recreating ourselves, our personal beliefs and attitudes, a process that would be unlikely. One needs shared core beliefs and attitudes, a simple foundation on which to build.
Learning to love another person is an adventure, but it is not about scaling mountains. Rather, it is negotiating the ordinary business of life. Love is becoming intimate, learning things that few others know or care to know about one's partner.
The answer, of course, is "Yes, it happens every day." Yet our culture persists in the belief and promotion of an idealized romantic notion of love that makes the pronouncement, "We were made for each other." It is as if we have little to say in the matter-either love finds us or it doesn't. These romantic falsehoods tend to obscure the actual work involved in creating love between two people. This work involves shared commitment, responsibility, fidelity and mutual respect. When we say that people "fall" in love, we would do well to think more in terms of "choosing" and "creating" love together...
Interesting?
A soul mate?
Is there only one right person for each of us? The one person who is our perfect match in mind, body, and spirit?
Many couples live their lives as soul mates -- they absolutely believe that they have found "the one" who suits each of them on a deep level. Other people believe more in time and circumstance. Meaning, if you meet the right person at the right time and place, you'll end up together.
After much observation and research into relationship development, I do believe that some people are more suited to each other than others. However, I don't subscribe to the theory that there is just one person who is destined to be your perfect match. I do believe in time and circumstance -- for instance, you may meet your soul mate or ideal partner, but he's married. If you had met six years earlier, before he got married, or (cynically) seven years later, after he was divorced, he might have been "the one" for you.
If you're single, what's more important than searching for your soul mate is finding someone who is thinking the same way you are. For instance, if you're interested in dating many people and having fun, find others who only want to date and not get serious. If you're ready to get married and have kids, date people who are willing to get married and have kids in the near future, not people who are focused on furthering their career or playing the field socially. Right time, right place, right mindset -- love can strike most any two people!
Many couples live their lives as soul mates -- they absolutely believe that they have found "the one" who suits each of them on a deep level. Other people believe more in time and circumstance. Meaning, if you meet the right person at the right time and place, you'll end up together.
After much observation and research into relationship development, I do believe that some people are more suited to each other than others. However, I don't subscribe to the theory that there is just one person who is destined to be your perfect match. I do believe in time and circumstance -- for instance, you may meet your soul mate or ideal partner, but he's married. If you had met six years earlier, before he got married, or (cynically) seven years later, after he was divorced, he might have been "the one" for you.
If you're single, what's more important than searching for your soul mate is finding someone who is thinking the same way you are. For instance, if you're interested in dating many people and having fun, find others who only want to date and not get serious. If you're ready to get married and have kids, date people who are willing to get married and have kids in the near future, not people who are focused on furthering their career or playing the field socially. Right time, right place, right mindset -- love can strike most any two people!
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Love is blind....a quote but it is with some truth.
Is love blind?
We've all heard the expression, "Love is blind," meaning that when we first meet someone and think we're falling in love, we're quite oblivious to their faults and shortcomings.
There is a term called limerance that has been coined to describe the somewhat indescribable feelings that arise when we first meet someone to whom we're attracted. During the period of limerance, you become infatuated with someone you barely know and rush headlong into a relationship. Many people don't eat, sleep, and can't concentrate on anything but the object of this powerful attraction.
Limerance can be the forerunner of love. But, it's also possible that once the "high" of limerance passes, feelings of love fade into indifference or dislike. The period of limerance is usually six to twelve months. What happens after that is the true test of a relationship.
With a large number of people getting married within twelve months of meeting, the high divorce rate in the U.S. begins to make sense. Limerance is a good argument for dating past the one year mark before making a long-term commitment.
What do you think about limerance, and the crazy joys and highs of the beginning of relationships? Experienced it yourself? Watched your best friend's ups and downs?
Guess the only way to find out and to know for sure......and my finding is that it is tough after the intial honeymoon period is over and when reality set in. This is also the time to test your love...to see how strong or how deep you feel for one another. I believed that man....change little becoz I know myself well. From day 1 till now....I am still the same with my feeling and seldom let the situations or conditions to affect my feeling much. Maybe I may seem "distance" at times, but as you know....we are "asian" we tend to keep lots of affections inside but still I find that I am quite constant in that area. hahaha....yeah, blood type "B+" also still has some good points too.....the main one is "RELIABLE".
We've all heard the expression, "Love is blind," meaning that when we first meet someone and think we're falling in love, we're quite oblivious to their faults and shortcomings.
There is a term called limerance that has been coined to describe the somewhat indescribable feelings that arise when we first meet someone to whom we're attracted. During the period of limerance, you become infatuated with someone you barely know and rush headlong into a relationship. Many people don't eat, sleep, and can't concentrate on anything but the object of this powerful attraction.
Limerance can be the forerunner of love. But, it's also possible that once the "high" of limerance passes, feelings of love fade into indifference or dislike. The period of limerance is usually six to twelve months. What happens after that is the true test of a relationship.
With a large number of people getting married within twelve months of meeting, the high divorce rate in the U.S. begins to make sense. Limerance is a good argument for dating past the one year mark before making a long-term commitment.
What do you think about limerance, and the crazy joys and highs of the beginning of relationships? Experienced it yourself? Watched your best friend's ups and downs?
Guess the only way to find out and to know for sure......and my finding is that it is tough after the intial honeymoon period is over and when reality set in. This is also the time to test your love...to see how strong or how deep you feel for one another. I believed that man....change little becoz I know myself well. From day 1 till now....I am still the same with my feeling and seldom let the situations or conditions to affect my feeling much. Maybe I may seem "distance" at times, but as you know....we are "asian" we tend to keep lots of affections inside but still I find that I am quite constant in that area. hahaha....yeah, blood type "B+" also still has some good points too.....the main one is "RELIABLE".
Wednesday - 1st nite at work
Shitty week....1st, hardly got any news from you know who. Claimed to be autism or whatever but guess it is just an poor excuse. So what can I do?....it is always hard if you wanted so much to hear from a loved one while she doesn't have the mood or doesn't feel like even to sms or reply with a short note. This is an example of a "one-way street" type of communication.....
But one thing is for sure....don't do it to others if you don't want it to happen to you. I live by this motto....but not many others think the same way as me.
Am I asking for too much?....frankly I don't think so since i know my situation and my present standing in her eyes, I am just expecting the minimum....but still I got disappointed. Why do I feel that way??? I hardly hear anything from her, and I can only go to her blog....to see and try to make out what she was trying to put across there.
This is teaching me....a hard and painful lesson of loving someone especially when the feeling is not mutual. Also can show what kind of things people do or don't do.
Sighed :(
But one thing is for sure....don't do it to others if you don't want it to happen to you. I live by this motto....but not many others think the same way as me.
Am I asking for too much?....frankly I don't think so since i know my situation and my present standing in her eyes, I am just expecting the minimum....but still I got disappointed. Why do I feel that way??? I hardly hear anything from her, and I can only go to her blog....to see and try to make out what she was trying to put across there.
This is teaching me....a hard and painful lesson of loving someone especially when the feeling is not mutual. Also can show what kind of things people do or don't do.
Sighed :(
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Sunday morning
Sighed.....nothing much to look forward to from now on. Maybe I just keep my head down and do what I can to keep myself busy in the months ahead until the new life "blossom" out. hahaha hope you know what I mean.
For now.....shit life and life suck "big time".
For now.....shit life and life suck "big time".
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