I feel I don’t allow my heart to open. When I was very young I rejected my parents. I felt good about being a bad little boy. Now I feel that everything that I thought was love was nothing.
This is a good insight. To understand that whatsoever you have called love up to now was not love, is one of the most meaningful insights. When it happens much becomes possible.
People go on thinking that they love, and that becomes their greatest illusion — and the sooner they are disillusioned the better. Love is such a rare thing that it cannot be so easily available to all. It is not; it is as rare as buddhahood, not less than that.
This insight is good but it will make you sad, very morose, and give you a certain gloom. But don’t be worried, because out of a dark night the morning is born. When the night is darkest the morning is closest. You will be very very morose and sad because whatsoever you were thinking was love was not, and you have lived in dreams and have been missing reality. When this insight dawns on you, you become very sad, almost dead.
Don’t try to escape from this state. Relax into it, let yourself be drowned in this sadness, and soon you will come out of it completely new. I can see even in your voice, in your eyes, in your very body, that a tremendous sadness is settling, allow it. The human tendency is not to allow it, to escape from it — to go to a hotel, to a cinema, to friends to talk nonsense, to do something to be occupied so that you can escape from this state. But if you escape you again miss something that was going to happen. Relax into it.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Life as Dance - Osho
Start with meditation, and things will go on growing in you — silence, serenity, blissfulness, sensitivity. And whatever comes out of meditation, try to bring it out in life. Share it, because everything shared grows fast. And when you have reached the point of death, you will know there is no death. You can say goodbye, there is no need for any tears of sadness — maybe tears of joy, but not of sadness. But you have to begin from being innocent.
So first, throw out all crap that you are carrying. Everybody is carrying so much crap, and one wonders, for what? Just because people have been telling you that these are great ideas, principles.... You have not been intelligent with yourself. Be intelligent with yourself.
Life is very simple; it is a joyful dance. The whole earth can be full of joy and dance, but there are people who are seriously vested in their interest that nobody should enjoy life, that nobody should smile, that nobody should laugh, that life is a sin, that it is a punishment. How can you enjoy when the climate is such that you have been told continuously that it is a punishment? — that you are suffering because you have done wrong things and it is a kind of jail where you have been thrown to suffer?
I say to you life is not a jail, it is not a punishment. It is a reward, and it is given only to those who have earned it, who deserve it. Now it is your right to enjoy; it will be a sin if you don’t enjoy.
It will be against existence if you don’t beautify it, if you leave it just as you have found it. No, leave it a little happier, a little more beautiful, a little more fragrant.
So first, throw out all crap that you are carrying. Everybody is carrying so much crap, and one wonders, for what? Just because people have been telling you that these are great ideas, principles.... You have not been intelligent with yourself. Be intelligent with yourself.
Life is very simple; it is a joyful dance. The whole earth can be full of joy and dance, but there are people who are seriously vested in their interest that nobody should enjoy life, that nobody should smile, that nobody should laugh, that life is a sin, that it is a punishment. How can you enjoy when the climate is such that you have been told continuously that it is a punishment? — that you are suffering because you have done wrong things and it is a kind of jail where you have been thrown to suffer?
I say to you life is not a jail, it is not a punishment. It is a reward, and it is given only to those who have earned it, who deserve it. Now it is your right to enjoy; it will be a sin if you don’t enjoy.
It will be against existence if you don’t beautify it, if you leave it just as you have found it. No, leave it a little happier, a little more beautiful, a little more fragrant.
4D
No smell tonight...hahaha not surprising with my present situation.
One more night to go then 3 rest days again....hahaha. Anyway will
see how things turn out then.
One more night to go then 3 rest days again....hahaha. Anyway will
see how things turn out then.
Friday, February 15, 2008
4D
Hahaha so much for nothing....better focus on getting rich at least I can buy some "fake" loving.
Sometimes....this is better than tearing my hair off over thing that I never able to control.
I must be strong from now on....to keep the depressing thoughts out and to just focus on the real things like getting rich. For the moment....4D, and this can be a good start for me to the road of self recovery.
HUAT AH....:)
Sometimes....this is better than tearing my hair off over thing that I never able to control.
I must be strong from now on....to keep the depressing thoughts out and to just focus on the real things like getting rich. For the moment....4D, and this can be a good start for me to the road of self recovery.
HUAT AH....:)
One lesson I learned lately.
Well.....money and youth, these 2 things are most important in life. If you are not good-looking and old but still rich, there are many things you can do....look at Warren Buffet! When he came out to say something....the market reacts. Oh....people auctioned and paid "big big $$$$$$" once a year just to have lunch/dinner with him. The money goes to charity.
So...being rich is a hugely plus point in life. The other example is "One-eye dragon" the gangster awaiting being "hanged soon". With one eye....he is also no spring-chicken, he has beautiful wives and gfs.
So...having lots of money will bring in plenty of honey too ( whether or not.....with love or no love some girls are good at faking it anyway so who cares ).
The other thing is "Youth"...can easily see this, since when does an old man go for older girls? Go to GL....and can see this everywhere. It is the same for the other sex if someone younger or more macho appears, they drool hahaha.
So....it is important to have at least one of these 2 things to have an easier time in life but youth won't stay for long. After awhile....everyone will grow old, it is very fragile to depend of youth.
The only option left....is to have lots of money lor. Look at the sultans....in mid-east, the hardest task daily for them is to choose which girl they want to screw for the night. They have got a huge harem of girls to choose from. Even the big-time gangsters also have this "happy" problem.
But for me....a mere mortal has to end-up like a "LL" to smell my honey if she would be kind enough at that moment.
In life....cannot compare, some are even worst off than me. Guess they have to feed on those even worst off than themselves. Big eat small....small eat the smaller, the smaller will eat the tiny, the tiny will eat themselves....that is life story, don't be the tiny ones! They kena eaten left, right and centre hahaha.
So...being rich is a hugely plus point in life. The other example is "One-eye dragon" the gangster awaiting being "hanged soon". With one eye....he is also no spring-chicken, he has beautiful wives and gfs.
So...having lots of money will bring in plenty of honey too ( whether or not.....with love or no love some girls are good at faking it anyway so who cares ).
The other thing is "Youth"...can easily see this, since when does an old man go for older girls? Go to GL....and can see this everywhere. It is the same for the other sex if someone younger or more macho appears, they drool hahaha.
So....it is important to have at least one of these 2 things to have an easier time in life but youth won't stay for long. After awhile....everyone will grow old, it is very fragile to depend of youth.
The only option left....is to have lots of money lor. Look at the sultans....in mid-east, the hardest task daily for them is to choose which girl they want to screw for the night. They have got a huge harem of girls to choose from. Even the big-time gangsters also have this "happy" problem.
But for me....a mere mortal has to end-up like a "LL" to smell my honey if she would be kind enough at that moment.
In life....cannot compare, some are even worst off than me. Guess they have to feed on those even worst off than themselves. Big eat small....small eat the smaller, the smaller will eat the tiny, the tiny will eat themselves....that is life story, don't be the tiny ones! They kena eaten left, right and centre hahaha.
Stock market
hahaha....didn't buy any new shares lately and have no regret about that too. The market direction is like 3 steps forward....2 step backwards or worst 1 step forward and 3 steps backwards.
Seen...like it is not going anywhere soon. So I am lucky to stay out of it at the moment. Too troublesome to monitor all the time too.
Seen...like it is not going anywhere soon. So I am lucky to stay out of it at the moment. Too troublesome to monitor all the time too.
Movie vs real life story - A thing called Love is Blind!
No different....what happened in movie also happened in real life. The result is not funny at all for the victims in real life. In the movie...we laughed at the action and reaction but when this happened in real life, just remember someone will feel the heartaches, pain and anger - and the feeling is for REAL ( remember how you felt before? same goes to the rest of us too - those who actually knew and went thru all these with u ).
So it is best....to keep this up-coming Ch2, quiet and secret from those who is unawared ( no harm for those who is in the blur ) Now....since the "young hero" has re-appear in the scene, frankly I felt a great relief becoz there will be "no need" for all the denials and the grand charades.
Life will go back to sq one again!!! Me....back to my rightful place which is to the end of the "Q", hahaha don't worry about me I still have my "humour" about the whole story and the coming Ch 2.
PS-see comment for some gentle reminders fr the earlier ch.
So it is best....to keep this up-coming Ch2, quiet and secret from those who is unawared ( no harm for those who is in the blur ) Now....since the "young hero" has re-appear in the scene, frankly I felt a great relief becoz there will be "no need" for all the denials and the grand charades.
Life will go back to sq one again!!! Me....back to my rightful place which is to the end of the "Q", hahaha don't worry about me I still have my "humour" about the whole story and the coming Ch 2.
PS-see comment for some gentle reminders fr the earlier ch.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Must snap out of this moodiness
Ain't good with having this type of feeling....yes! I would really love to be able to snap out of this but guess only my honey can "help me" do this. Due to her...I got this so only right if she does the right thing to get me out of it too.
What say you?
What say you?
A Brief History of Human Sex - from Yahoo
Birds do it, bees do it, humans since the dawn of time have done it.
But just how much has the act really changed through the millennia and even in past decades? Are humans doing it more? Are we doing it better? Sort of, say scientists. But it's how people fess up to the truth about their sex lives that has changed the most over the years.
Humans have basically been the same anatomically for about 100,000 years—so what is safe to say is that if we enjoy it now, then so did our cave-dwelling ancestors and everyone else since, experts say.
"Just as our bodies tell us what we might like to eat, or when we should go to sleep, they lay down for us our pattern of lust," says University of Toronto psychologist Edward Shorter. "Sex has always offered pleasure."
Hard wired
"People and indeed all animals are hard wired to seek out sex and to continue to do so," Rodgers said in a recent interview. "I imagine that is evidence that people at least like sex and even if they don't they engage in it as a biological imperative."
There is "no reason to think that we do more now than in the past, although we are certainly more frank about it," Buss told LiveScience.
Indeed, cultural restraints—rather than anything anatomical—have had the biggest effect on our sexual history, Shorter says.
"To be sure, what people actually experience is always a mixture of biological and social conditioning: Desire surges from the body, the mind interprets what society will accept and what not, and the rest of the signals are edited out by culture," he writes in his book, "Written in the Flesh: A History of Desire" (University of Toronto Press, 2005).
That's not to say that cultural norms keep people from exploring the taboo, but only what is admitted to openly, according to archaeologist Timothy Taylor of Great Britain's University of Bradford.
"The idea that there is a sexual line that must not be crossed but in practice often is, is far older than the story of Eve's temptation by the serpent," he writes in "The History of Sex: Four Million Years of Human Sexual Culture" (Bantam Books, 1996).
Modern advances
Religion especially has held powerful sway over the mind's attitude towards the body's carnal desires, most sexual psychologists agree. Men and women who lived during the pious Middle Ages were certainly affected by the fear of sin, Shorter said, though he notes there were other inhibiting factors to consider, too.
"The low priority attached to sexual pleasure by people who lived in distant times is inexplicable unless one considers the hindrances that existed in those days," Shorter writes. He points especially to the 1,000 years of misery and disease—often accompanied by some very un-sexy smells and itching—that led up to the Industrial Revolution. "After the mid-nineteenth century, these hindrances start to be removed, and the great surge towards pleasure begins."
Global variations
"Cultures vary tremendously in how early they start having sex, how open they are about it, and how many sexual partners they have," said Buss, noting that Swedes generally have many partners in their lifetime and the Chinese typically have few.
An informal 2005 global sex survey sponsored by the condom company Durex confirmed Buss' views. Just 3 percent of Americans polled called their sex lives "monotonous," compared to a sizable 26 percent of Indian respondents. While 53 percent of Norwegians wanted more sex than they were having (a respectable 98 times per year, on average), 81 percent of the Portuguese were quite happy with their national quota of 108 times per year.
Though poll numbers and surveys offer an interesting window into the sex lives of strangers, they're still constrained by the unwillingness of people to open up about a part of their lives that's usually kept behind closed doors.
And what if we weren't bound by such social limitations? Taylor offers the promiscuous—and very laid-back—bonobo chimpanzee as a utopian example.
But just how much has the act really changed through the millennia and even in past decades? Are humans doing it more? Are we doing it better? Sort of, say scientists. But it's how people fess up to the truth about their sex lives that has changed the most over the years.
Humans have basically been the same anatomically for about 100,000 years—so what is safe to say is that if we enjoy it now, then so did our cave-dwelling ancestors and everyone else since, experts say.
"Just as our bodies tell us what we might like to eat, or when we should go to sleep, they lay down for us our pattern of lust," says University of Toronto psychologist Edward Shorter. "Sex has always offered pleasure."
Hard wired
"People and indeed all animals are hard wired to seek out sex and to continue to do so," Rodgers said in a recent interview. "I imagine that is evidence that people at least like sex and even if they don't they engage in it as a biological imperative."
There is "no reason to think that we do more now than in the past, although we are certainly more frank about it," Buss told LiveScience.
Indeed, cultural restraints—rather than anything anatomical—have had the biggest effect on our sexual history, Shorter says.
"To be sure, what people actually experience is always a mixture of biological and social conditioning: Desire surges from the body, the mind interprets what society will accept and what not, and the rest of the signals are edited out by culture," he writes in his book, "Written in the Flesh: A History of Desire" (University of Toronto Press, 2005).
That's not to say that cultural norms keep people from exploring the taboo, but only what is admitted to openly, according to archaeologist Timothy Taylor of Great Britain's University of Bradford.
"The idea that there is a sexual line that must not be crossed but in practice often is, is far older than the story of Eve's temptation by the serpent," he writes in "The History of Sex: Four Million Years of Human Sexual Culture" (Bantam Books, 1996).
Modern advances
Religion especially has held powerful sway over the mind's attitude towards the body's carnal desires, most sexual psychologists agree. Men and women who lived during the pious Middle Ages were certainly affected by the fear of sin, Shorter said, though he notes there were other inhibiting factors to consider, too.
"The low priority attached to sexual pleasure by people who lived in distant times is inexplicable unless one considers the hindrances that existed in those days," Shorter writes. He points especially to the 1,000 years of misery and disease—often accompanied by some very un-sexy smells and itching—that led up to the Industrial Revolution. "After the mid-nineteenth century, these hindrances start to be removed, and the great surge towards pleasure begins."
Global variations
"Cultures vary tremendously in how early they start having sex, how open they are about it, and how many sexual partners they have," said Buss, noting that Swedes generally have many partners in their lifetime and the Chinese typically have few.
An informal 2005 global sex survey sponsored by the condom company Durex confirmed Buss' views. Just 3 percent of Americans polled called their sex lives "monotonous," compared to a sizable 26 percent of Indian respondents. While 53 percent of Norwegians wanted more sex than they were having (a respectable 98 times per year, on average), 81 percent of the Portuguese were quite happy with their national quota of 108 times per year.
Though poll numbers and surveys offer an interesting window into the sex lives of strangers, they're still constrained by the unwillingness of people to open up about a part of their lives that's usually kept behind closed doors.
And what if we weren't bound by such social limitations? Taylor offers the promiscuous—and very laid-back—bonobo chimpanzee as a utopian example.
Work-load - can cope with better planning and time management!
Well...after this holiday period is over, it will be work, work, work till "Good Friday". Just next month...on the 21st of March, always thought it is in April. Shit....my working day, so it is a working holiday for me. Just the same as no leave....for me.
The more one is to be worried by heavy work-load then....one will become unproductive at it esp for someone like us. Old-timer doing the same thing day in and day out....what is new? Maybe with better time management or adjustment....life goes on, no problem to manage and control it.
The more one is to be worried by heavy work-load then....one will become unproductive at it esp for someone like us. Old-timer doing the same thing day in and day out....what is new? Maybe with better time management or adjustment....life goes on, no problem to manage and control it.
Valentine - LOVE and LIFE!!!
This year with my lousy mood....everything is so bleak, no point trying to do a thing. Sit and wait to die lor. What other thing to do?
Yes! Valentine comes and goes....pretty much still the same old story. Still feeling down and almost completely out.
The POWER of love....very powerful and very hard to control, once lost the control...it controls you back. This is where "problems" come.....eg heartaches and pains. Not the butterfly type of feeling when one is in LOVE! but the nagging pain from the heart....heartaches!!!
Funny.....somehow everyone of us will get to experience it one-way or the other. The chinese saying that there are always someone out there who is better than you and when the day comes you shall somehow to cut by the sword esp for those swordmen. Live by the sword...and somehow die by the sword.
Same thing for the players....some days you will get "played" by another player. Cannot run from this too. It is a cycle type of things called "karma". This too happen everywhere, in every forms....the killers will some day be killed by another killer....the game goes on...and on and on!!
Never ending....until all are gone!!!
Yes! Valentine comes and goes....pretty much still the same old story. Still feeling down and almost completely out.
The POWER of love....very powerful and very hard to control, once lost the control...it controls you back. This is where "problems" come.....eg heartaches and pains. Not the butterfly type of feeling when one is in LOVE! but the nagging pain from the heart....heartaches!!!
Funny.....somehow everyone of us will get to experience it one-way or the other. The chinese saying that there are always someone out there who is better than you and when the day comes you shall somehow to cut by the sword esp for those swordmen. Live by the sword...and somehow die by the sword.
Same thing for the players....some days you will get "played" by another player. Cannot run from this too. It is a cycle type of things called "karma". This too happen everywhere, in every forms....the killers will some day be killed by another killer....the game goes on...and on and on!!
Never ending....until all are gone!!!
Stock market
Also given this a big miss lately....too much up and down, and the trend is still towards the down side. Only these few days....from Wed when Warren Buffet came out to talk about bailing out the US bond issuers that the market sorted itself but still towards the end of the day it pared off it's high. Then the next day...with the US sales numbers out then the US market show some strength plus the fact that Bush also signed into law the special bill to give out tax breaks and refunds that the market reacts with a near 200 points "pop".
Yes! the market here also show a "pop" but it is best to understand....it was the index-linked shares were the ones having the "pop", the general market is somehow pretty slow. I was nearly caught by it again....but due to my poor mood, I managed to control myself from buying anything. So that I can sleep well...and not to worry about the market going up or down during my working days. Next week....4 days working, so better don't touch the market. I have some peace...and beside I am already down in the pits with my own moodiness can't afford another setback from this stock thing.
Again....investment also must have the "feeling thing", no mood how to sit down to monitor? So again feeling is involved here. Guess....I am a pretty much a "feeling" type of person when it comes to betting on 4D and shares.
Yes! the market here also show a "pop" but it is best to understand....it was the index-linked shares were the ones having the "pop", the general market is somehow pretty slow. I was nearly caught by it again....but due to my poor mood, I managed to control myself from buying anything. So that I can sleep well...and not to worry about the market going up or down during my working days. Next week....4 days working, so better don't touch the market. I have some peace...and beside I am already down in the pits with my own moodiness can't afford another setback from this stock thing.
Again....investment also must have the "feeling thing", no mood how to sit down to monitor? So again feeling is involved here. Guess....I am a pretty much a "feeling" type of person when it comes to betting on 4D and shares.
4D - Sunday and Wednesday
A goner day hahaha.....anyway lost about 1+K for the 2 days and lucky that I have sort of tone down after Sat. It was mood thing mah.....no mood, no point to buy "big" becoz at the end of the day...won't stand much chance to kena the numbers.
Buying 4D involved "feeling" if the whole day....the mood is good then the chance is also better.
And mood thing has it's UP and DOWN, very hard to control. No matter how....it controls you.
Buying 4D involved "feeling" if the whole day....the mood is good then the chance is also better.
And mood thing has it's UP and DOWN, very hard to control. No matter how....it controls you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)