Hottie or Nottie: Would you give up looks for better sex?

Hottie or Nottie: Would you give up looks for better sex?

By Jen

There was a movie a while back called Kissing Jessica Stein and in it two of the women characters get into a discussion about “sexy ugly”—men who were ugly, but at the same time very sexy. My favorite sexy ugly guy is Steven Tyler. He’s not my type at all—he’s skinny, dresses peculiarly and has facial features that go beyond describable. Yet, I find him unbelievably sexy (so much so that I once woke myself up because I was having a dream induced orgasm about him!) Sexy ugly refers to a person (usually a guy) who isn’t necessarily good looking; however, they do exude sexiness. Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis and Benicio Del Toro could easily fall into the sexy ugly column for me.

Of course that’s all fine and dandy for chit chat among girlfriends, but what about in your own bedroom? Would you give up looks in your lover for more satisfaction in the bedroom? Recently Too Timid took a poll asking women that very question and received these results:

49% said Absolutely!
20% said No Way
31% said I Would Consider it

Most women would give up looks in their lover for dynamite sex!


I don’t have an average age for the women in this poll, but if I had to guess I would say most of the 49% who said Absolutely were over the age of 30. When I first became sexually active being with a “hottie” was the number one prerogative. It was an almost must to have a “hottie” in your bed and if you happened to bed a “nottie” you must have been beer goggling. But as I got older and became more aware of my own developing sexuality I realized that the men who were the best in bed and most attentive to my needs were more easily categorized as “notties” than “hotties”. Christine, 30, agreed with me. “As you get older I think you have a better idea of what you want and have the confidence to 1). Ask for it, and 2). Go after it.” Another friend Jessica, 32, also confirmed my feelings. “The older I get, the more looks take a back-seat to sexual satisfaction,” Jessica explained. “I find the buff, tough and solid guys are arrogant and non-committal while the softer, gentler, aging guys are sweeter… just because they are. My eye is still drawn first to a hottie (someone I find attractive), but I no longer turn down the nottie (short, balding, pot bellied) because they can be MUCH better lovers.”

So why would sexual satisfaction rank higher than looks when looking for a partner? Christine explained. “It's more about personal attraction than overall good looks, because you may come across someone that you wouldn't necessarily think is ‘your type’ and might not be as attractive to others as they are to you.” Looks were always the first thing that drew me to someone, but the person either became more attractive or more unattractive depending upon their personality. The average Joe who made me laugh until my sides hurt looked much more attractive at then end of a date than the good-looking stud that was rude to the wait staff and criticized everyone around him.

I’m not saying that “hotties” are bad in bed or that “notties” are always the best lovers—far from it. There’s the possibility of too ugly. According to Jessica, “I think PARTS of a body can be too ugly for one girl. Too much chest hair, for one. Maybe patchy balding for another, or a desperate pot-belly. Every girl has something that makes them weak in the knees (and not in the good way). If this discovery is made during the undressing stage, then it will be much more challenging to turn back. But I’d say leaving the scene of the crime is better for the guy’s ego than staying and retching.” And some “hotties” really are the real deal wrapped up in one nice, tight package! (I like to think that Prince William fits into this group).

It’s all a matter of opinion, an opinion you reach after educating yourself on the subject. Jessica agrees. “Even if it’s a one-off, that gave you little to no sexual satisfaction, it’s worth the try, once, don’t you think???” Yes Jessica, yes it is!