How to pay for the lost?

It kinda wiped off all the money my old man left for me plus all my 4D winning and still not enough to pay off all the lost incurred for just this month alone.

Looking back, the prediction given by the Waterloo temple when I went there to pray pray on the 1st of this lunar month was super "spot-on". So sad....I didn't heed the advice at all and now I am paying thru my nose for the mistake. At least....the Goddess didn't really punished me too badly for not heeding her advice but still left me with just enough to wake-up my fucking idea and to clean me out.

Now... "lan lan", but still gotto face the future and my family. Somehow....I felt so disappointed with myself for the whole issue.

Just kinda reminded me of my past....same type of mistake which caused my downfall. Guess I cannot ever judge others when I myself are unable to learn from my earlier mistakes. Not just one mistake but countless ones....and all the same kind. Being too cocky and confidence that I can beat the stock market. I may have to pay with my life soon if I continue doing this.

I am one of those "ATM type" of person....money comes in from one pocket but then it goes out thru the other almost immediately. The money does not have any chance to turn "warm" and stay in the pocket for long. This latest melt-down for the stock market worldwide was so fast and brutal.....2 fucking days and I am out of my wits and mind. Just "flat" chicken shit.

How I wish I could turn back the clock....but I also know that is impossible. It is much easier if I can turn over into a new leaf and set my mind not trying to make money in the stock market. Oh a correction.....not losing more money in the stock market, that sound about right.

I will then can have a better disopposition for myself and my spirit then at present....very downcast, suicidal and full of guilt. Also caused me to wish I was dead asap. I could have given my family a much needed holiday but....no! I end-up coughing out all the money just to pay off my brokers. Just more stress and tension when they chased me for the money. So so stupid of me.

Fated? I don't think so...more of greed and over-confidence in my own disability to think clearly and not able even to heed advice when I ask for one. So....why the hell do I go ask advice in the first place. Now....I know it is my retrubition.

Guess....the next punishment would be that my honey won't be going to pau-pau me any time soon becoz there is not much money left in my pocket. No money no honey? I won't blame her if she does that and now I am more or less prepared to face all this "hell" that I should face. No sex....no love....no honey....no money....nothing left except my own bloody stupid self.

I remember I faced the same "hell" in 1999 when I lost a huge sum of money too and had to sell off my car to pay off my debts then I lost all my PRC gfs and also have to move about without any car. hahaha...yes! I even had to hike on my company's bus to work and I remember I had to sit near the engine....no seat left on the bus or those O-mother-fuckers pretended to be asleep then to share their seat with me. For more than 30 months I had to face the same shit.

Frankly....my wife had no idea how "deep shit" I am now in at present if not then....I may even lost her and the children's respect too. If that happen....then it is a signal that my life is not worth living.

One good point I have left is that I am "worth more" dead than being alive ( my insurance policies should be more than enough to give my family a good standard of living in the future with nothing to worry about for a long long time - still more than a million plus free "flat" and freedom from me )