Back to work after 4 days rest

Wah....so fast, just like having a blink of the eyes and now back to work. Now that work is no more a joy due to office's back-stabbers....work is a stressful thing. Yes! all the back-stabbing due to the unstable work situation....makes it looks like some people are more willing than others to back-stab. To me....these are the very people who can't really make it for their own merits or hard work, so "die die" will do whatever it takes to climb or just to stay around. The worst thing....is that the bosses are also more or less the same type, so same same hor! Well....just can't help to make things any easier for all.

My brother and his family will be visiting us from US on 10/7 to 22/7. Shit....gotto go to KL with them during my off days on 12/7 to 15/7 then again from 19/7 to 21/7.
They will stay with us....during my off days and will stay with his in-laws during my working days. Btw...I am not much of a good host, same same for my own family ( children and wife included ....in fact, they are even worst )

Now.....looking at things, not much to be interested in and what I really want to do or like to do....I don't have much of a "say" or "control" over it. In the end...I
just blink blink and hope for the best. EG....the rally for the stock market since 13th March till now. When the market crashed....I was "killed" but when market goes up, I was broke and just watch it goes up....just paralysis by fear of losing more money. Now...sold flat and in the end, got nothing much left after clearing of the earlier losses. Again....paralysis with fear about when to buy the next flat and so on. Buy to early....also mati, buy too late also mati! Now one thing is do right is that I don't buy the Newspapers ST everyday...more read more feel worst!!

Look at the situation in S'pore, things are not really that bad but look at the US and Euro....job losses are increasing even for those in Eastern Euro. Really having a worst time in their life. The rich...are still rich but the poor are getting poorer and their situation are just horrible. I really feel sad for them....same same for those 3th-world countries where finding food for their family is also a problem....not to mention housing and clean water. All basis stuffs are problem!
Not happy to see all these suffering by others....and it doesn't make me feel better too. Just make me "tired" watching all these hardships.

Now...frankly I spend more time at home with family....mainly with wife but she at times don't quite like my closeness. She said so...herself, funny but true when I am wanting to do the right thing. And don't quite like to bother others....I just sit and watch TV. Really makes me feel "old" and "useless". Big fear....if jobless or sick then I must draw up a exit plan for myself than waiting to die slowly. Yes....to
die is not really difficult thing to do, just gotto do it nicely or cleanly. Really don't want to wait till too sick or too poor or too old to do a damn thing about life. Sometimes....reading in the newspapers or on the news that some people die suddenly...frankly I wished to trade places with them. No....not that I am sick now or things like that, just feel "tired and sad" at times. Yes....also see old men having "fun" with young PRC ladies....but not for me, I don't feel good about it maybe due to "no kaki with this habit to start with" or due to lack of communication becoz my chinese sucks big time. Also knows....that the PRC loves an old fcuk like me for being me. Btw who the fcuk is me....a nobody and even wife finds me too troublesome becoz I want to go to gym or go for a swim with her. She rather sit at home with her pc....shit! Oh...now I do understand why the old men spend time to la kopi at coffeeshops with the PRC ladies. Yes...at least they got company while I sit alone staring at the TV till fell asleep. To just go out and spend time with others make me feel "guilt" as I know that time is not on my side esp now and in my situation. I am living on borrowed time....and everyday is a bonus