Closure of a chapter in my life.

Guess the time has come for me to close this sad and wild chapter in my life .....as this has impacted my life and my outlook about people that I placed a premium on. Too late for regrets....anyway I have no regret from it becoz I learned lot of things from it, but still I must consider myself to be lucky to face up to some of the things that had happened. I have not lost my mind at the end of this experience, shit just my fucking pride!. So much bitter-sweet....after taste, like eating a bar of dark bitter chocolate.
Sweet.....becoz I first thought I have found my soulmate, the one I can relate the most to and also the one I am waiting for....to fulfill all my sexual fantasy with. I am willing to give up an arm or a leg for such a wonderful person that I have met thru the net....just appear like a dream, out of the blue. Man! how I believe that God must to answering to my prayers that he is now pampering me....to send such a lovely person to brighten up my "boring standard" life. Yes! I too have my fair share of "scoring"....but this one to me is totally different. A soulmate......so powerfully sexy though not the youngest or the prettiest, so smart, so enlightening, so outgoing, so sexually challenging, so different to those I have known before and that she really "blow" my mind off with all her qualities and not to mention my other head too.
Bitter......becoz of the above mentioned qualities that exceeded my wildest expectation which on my part, made me think that she was heaven sent. Then slowly after the first few months of pure honeymoon, I started to notice things were not going the way I first thought it should go.
Excuse after excuse then the more I pamper her.....the more the situation goes out of control. By then.....I had made up my mind not to think too much about the situation and to give more spaces for her to do her things and to live her life. But at the same time I was blaming myself for all the "failures in the relationship" and that maybe my lifestyle was out of fashion....I tried changing myself both in fashion ( dressing ) and outlook ( more outward looking to stay in tune with the times hehehe ). I tried to go way out of the way to meet her expectation....to help whenever she needs me and even offering my help when she doesn't need me. To try to bride her for her favour so that she can give me whatever "little" time she wants to. Even to the extent to buy her favour whenever possible.....but I don't regret paying for it. I fully understand the meaning of "no money no honey" which accidentally was in my classified ad in yahoo.com.sg. ( Am willing to pay for any sexual favour ...................... remember? that was when she wrote to me asking why should I pay for it when both parties are willing to enjoy from doing it ). The rest is history!
Now.....since I know the reason why I was dumped, I can only wish she "well" and that she will stay "strong" for whatever nightmares that she is going to face up to. Frankly I don't hold any grudges towards her and her toyboy ( fuck! what a joke? Whenver I think of this incident, my blood boils and my blood pressure shoot up my head...fuck I get a headache and mental torture from it hehehe but on the surface, act like a cool cat....player! Yes I am also a player and player must not get too emotion when things go wrong. Just packed up and move on to other flowers. This world is full of them....right? ) since he has said he is going to foot for all her hospital bills.....she is to me still a heaven sent. Sad that things turn-out this way for her and..... for me.